Rants & Raves

Annoyed, Not Afraid

2010-11-19T23:53:00.003+08:00

Recently, I've been feeling a bit under the weather. For two days I was feeling feverish. I decided to stay at home rather than force myself to go to work as I was wont to do.

After that, when I thought everything was ok I had a severe headache as soon as I walked through the office door. That turned out to be a symptom of high blood pressure. So after a few hours at work, I went home and was absent for another day.

This is the longest I have been absent from work. Normally, it's just one day. Sometimes, I don't even mind the pain. I just blaze through it until the weekend where I can rest. People have been concerned and I thank them for it. But me, I'm more annoyed.

Okay, some people might be afraid. After all, high blood pressure is a sign of an impending heart attack. I had some of the symptoms too: nausea, pain in my left arm, migraine. But for me, all I could think of is, "Damn, I've been sick for 2 days already. Am I gonna be sick again?"

So I went to see a doctor who said it was too early to tell. And she didn't want to start me on medicines yet. So, she said to rest for a while. Which I have by staying at home and doing absolutely nothing. I hate to admit it but I was bored as hell.

What's worse, now that I'm feeling "better" every time I feel one of the symptoms of high blood pressure, I begin to be annoyed because I can't do what I want to do. Not afraid, mind you. Annoyed. As in I look at it as an incovenience more than anything else.

I've never been afraid of dying. Suffering before I die, yes. But not dying itself. Sometimes, when I feel unwell and I wonder if this is "it", I just mutter "Why don't You just get on with it and kill me?" As if my death would mean something to someone out there. As if my life actually has "meaning" and the world would be a darker place if I suddenly croaked.

But I don't; I'm forced to trudge along until I get better. And right when I try to be just a bit more healthy with my food choices.

You know, this world really is screwed up. It's a wonder we haven't gone insane and blown it to kingdom come.

Angry Man

2010-06-27T04:22:00.002+08:00

I realized that I've been spending a lot of time being angry. Thinking about what could have been and what should have been. I get pissed off by a lot of things, mostly by what other people do. Not just strangers but friends and family as well. So far, I can name only a few who haven't pissed me off one way or another. And although I hold no grudge, I find it harder and harder to find a way to hide it or control it from bubbling to the surface.

There are a lot of things I wish I could change but can't. No, maybe "can't" is not the right word. Maybe won't or shouldn't is more appropriate. Simply because I don't want to get out of my comfort zone. I prefer the devil I know over the devil I don't know. And I'm too lazy to get myself out of the rut.

Shit. I really ought to get my ass in gear and get a 5 year plan set up.

A Year Later...

2010-05-31T00:38:00.003+08:00

It's been a year and things have changed since my last blog entry.

My project has been realized. I am now a proud owner of a computer. Using the money I got from the stocks of my former company, I assembled a computer based on my own specifications. It's a thing of beauty, really. I call it "Midnight Son" because I stayed awake for a full 24 hours when I brought it home. I imagine that is what it would be like bringing my first-born home.

It has pretty much the latest in specs at the time it was built which was February of this year. I bought it as a birthday present, you see. Anyway, I'll give you the specs:

CPU: Intel Core i5 750
MB: ASUS P7P55D
GPU: Inno3D GTX 260 OC 216SP

Everything else is pretty generic. But all together, it's special because it's mine and it runs everything buttery smooth. It doesn't take me long to boot up and I can put the resolution up to max without missing a beat. I made a good choice though some would say it was overkill.

I've also found a new job. I started last December. It pays well - after all - I don't mind staying a little longer to finish what needs to be done. The people are more like me though I don't like the fact it's growing too quick. But then, that's what happens to all successful companies.

Still not a millionaire but I'm working on that. I think my family and friends would be pretty happy if I do. Hahaha! More than me, I think. Money, after all, is a means to an end. And the value of it is in the spending. I don't have that many wants so I'll probably end up spending it for other people. I do like to see those close to me happy.

So that's it for now. I think I'll be adding a few more articles here nowadays. I need a form of release. It gets easier once I manage to start.

The Chronicle of Buying a New Computer, Part 1

2009-05-31T20:27:00.004+08:00

Some time earlier this year, I decided to start a project: I wanted to buy my own PC. I had already bought my laptop a year ago. It can pretty much run any game from circa 2006 and before. But I was becoming envious of my friends being able to run the latest games while I was stuck with Red Alert 2 and Warcraft 3 (the latter had to be at the lowest setting as possible).

Unlike a PC where you could pretty much remove and install new and better components whenever you had the budget for it, laptops aren't as flexible. The only thing you could really improve is the RAM. And although it made my laptop run faster than before, it still isn't enough for me.

We have an old computer, a Pentium 4 that we bought 5 years ago. It's still faster than some computers I've used at the office which are dual core PCs. But I wanted MY own computer, bought with MY own money and has all the features I want. It's pretty much the same reason I bought my laptop. Because I didn't want anyone else using it but me.

See, our old computer - let's call her Sally (it was the first name that popped in my mind) - was a wreck. We don't know what happened but she just wouldn't turn on. Before she stopped working, she made this weird clicking and whirring sound that I hadn't heard before before she finally gave up and...died.

Well, she didn't really die. She just needed a transplant. Turns out, her motherboard got fried. So we bought her a new one that caused one major incident - it stopped working. Good thing the store replaced it, no questions asked.

It took almost 6 months for that to happen because all the computer stores we went to told us they didn't have a compatible motherboard for a Pentium 4, LGA 775 socket.

It turns out they didn't know shit. It turns out that almost ANY motherboard that has a LGA 775 socket can run our processor if they had bothered to read the manual that came along with it. It turns out I know more about computers than they do.

See, I had actually done some research. I acutally read up on processors, motherboards and GPUs. I actually looked up what chipsets do and who makes them. I bothered to read articles on what teraflops, clockspeeds and die-size were and how they affected performance.

And that, my dear reader, is one of the most important lesson in buying anything:

Do your research. Find out what you want and look for the product that has it. Make comparisons so you know which is more value for your money. Finally, ask questions and find out who knows more than you do.

Because you're the one who is going to end up paying for it. Literally.

Season of Turns

2009-04-02T22:46:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I've written here. I usually write on impulse because I find that words flow more easily when I do. When something hits me, I can't let it go until I've given people my two cents. Not that I care about who reads it but I have to put it out there.

There's been a lot of things going on since my last entry. Things that have changed me; my family and friends have noticed it. I can't really point out what it was but I do have some ideas.

It all began at work. Well, most of my issues usually start at the office. Recently, a lot of changes have been going on that have made working at my current company...difficult. So difficult, in fact, I've taken steps to look for another job. I've only been with my current company for 8 months but I don't feel like I belong there.

Don't get me wrong, I like the people I work with. Well, most of them. But the recent changes make me wonder why I'm working for people who don't seem to know what they are doing. No, that's not precisely true. They know WHAT they are doing, they just DON'T CARE about the consequences of their actions. Mainly, who gets the pick up the pieces.

But the fact is, no matter how hospitable they are, I so out of place. The culture is different from what I had experienced in my previous line of work; I feel that I am at a disadvantage there. Professionally, I don't think they like me very much. I don't want to talk about the specifics because I feel that it is...unethical for me to do so. But I think you get the idea.

The other thing that happened was looking at my paycheck and finding it...insufficient for my needs. The truth is, I took a significant pay-cut when I took my job. I thought that I would be earning the same amount as before after I got regularized but it turns out I didn't even get more than a thousand pesos.

I've been penny-pinching a lot. I've skipped lunch most of the time and have forgone eating out with my friends. I've started budgeting my money - which is a good thing - but it just shows how low my salary is for the work that I do and the trouble it causes me.

Now, I'm resorting to other means to supplement my income. I've thought of selling some of my old stuff but there just isn't anything worth putting on sale. Unlike my brother who likes to buy gadgets that can be sold again, I don't have anything like that. I have books and comics but that's about it. I've checked eBay and found that they don't really sell for anything.

So I've applied online for a job as a writer. I don't know what that's going to get me but I do hope it's something I can do and earn some money on. It would be nice for it to tide me over, especially if I decide to quit my current job.

I've also started betting on the lottery. I thought to myself, if some stranger can win it big, why not me? I pretty much know what I'll spend that money on: my family, my friends and myself.

I've also gotten obsessed with getting a new PC. It's part of the reason why I've started looking to get more money. I think I've pretty much started bothering people with questions about FSB, G-stepping and DDR3. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't hit yourself over the head. I didn't know what those things meant a month ago.

Well, there you have it. My first three months of 2009. Enjoy!

My Pillow, My Chocolate Chip, My Fudge

2009-01-21T01:30:00.003+08:00

...I'm running out of things to call you.

Pretty soon, you'll be my everything. :)

Why do Relationships Fail?

2009-01-17T02:03:00.002+08:00

Sam and I had an interesting conversation the other day. It's a common topic: why do relationships fail. We both agreed that communication is the key and that by not talking about what people want in a relationship, they end up making mistakes that ruin it.

But the question is, why don't people want to talk things out? I believe it's because people are afraid. Talking can lead to honesty and honesty leads to vulnerability. People, for the most part, don't like being vulnerable because they get hurt, more often than not.

It's also about pride. To have that "conversation" means that there is something wrong and that's something most people would not want to admit. They don't want to think that they or their partner might be doing something wrong. They'd prefer to live in ignorant bliss than admit that what they have is less than perfect.

But just because relationships are not perfect, it doesn't mean that they can't work. You just have to understand whether or not it's worth the effort of maintaining. There are some relationships that are harmful for you but there are those that help you grow. And just because the relationship stops or changes, it doesn't mean that it failed.

A lot of us have a preconception of what a relationship is or how it should work. Take romantic relationships. A lot of us want our significant other to be our everything and vice-versa. Yet, have you ever really thought what that means? It means making that person depend on you. What happens when you go away or when the relationship works? What happens to your everything?

I'm not saying it's wrong. I'd congratulate any couple who could be each other's everything and stay together. But I've realized how much you are depriving that person of who they are by wanting to be so integral to their lives. Wouldn't you rather see that person live and grow and be everything he or she was meant to be? To be connected and yet be two separate beings?

The Best Title

2009-01-16T01:15:00.003+08:00

So what should it be?

"Gardening with style?" or "Where does a brother get a woman?"

If you got something better, let me know.

2009-01-14T12:53:00.001+08:00

Is this what highschool should have felt like?

Before there was an "us"

2009-01-11T20:52:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling better now.

I can think about you without feeling a cold emptiness in my heart. I can even smile when I remember those moments you made me laugh or those times when the world was just you and I. I don't feel bitter at all. Why should I? The wonderful thing about happy memories is that they can never be tainted by our present.

However, like all mistakes, there's just the tiniest twinge of regret because I know that I'll never have memories with you like that again. They become missed opportunities, like forgetting to bring a raincoat when you knew it was going to rain today.

But then I realized I'm not alone. A friend comes to the rescue, ready to share an umbrella. It's not big enough for the both of us to stay dry, but it's not so bad getting wet together.

So forgive me if I delete your old messages, hide away our pictures and keep to myself for a while. We can still be friends but I think I should keep my distance. There's just not enough room in my life for you right now. And I don't want to stay where I'm not welcome.

In time, things will go back the way they used to be...

Before there was an "us".

What a way to start the year...

2009-01-07T09:18:00.002+08:00

I've been expecting for this day to arrive. I've dreaded it the same way a boy dreads circumcision or woman finding a lump on her breast. Sometimes you hope never having to face it. But sometimes, you get tired of avoiding it or waiting for it to happen. So you face it, just to get it over with.

It hurts but not enough to bring me to tears. Does that mean my love wasn't real? Or has time put enough distance between us that it no longer hurts as it should. I say that I'm happy for her but am I being honest? I knew this day would come. I've come to accept that it just wasn't meant to be, but does it make it any easier for me?

I know I was holding on to a shred of hope things would go back to the way they were but I should have known better. Ah, well, maybe it was real. After all, how could anything but love made me change the way I think about love and relationships.

So my silence is broken. Things will go back to the way they once were...just before I stopped writing here. What a way to start the year...

It's been a year...

2008-08-23T06:25:00.000+08:00

Funny you should say hi to me today. You're not usually the first to say hello. But to day, I was suprised to see you. Especially today, of all days.

Of course, I expected the worse; you wanted to tell me you've found someone and that you were moving on. But no, you just wanted to catch up. Maybe you lost your nerve or never got around to saying it.

Ah, well, there's always tomorrow...

I Don't Want to Have Kids, Is That So Wrong?

2008-06-23T01:29:00.003+08:00

I'm at the stage that I don't think I want to have kids. It's partly for selfish reaons and partly moral objection. Although kids are cute and adorable, they can really get ugly and annoying when they don't do as they're told. It's not their fault; they cannot grasp the concept "schedules" or the "needs of others". They concern themselves with one thing only: themselves.

Now a lot of you might think that my particular line of thinking is crude and one-sided. You would be right about that. I don't make claims of being a saint so you don't need to get out of your seat and hold a prayer rally. I'm honest, which is something most people in this day and age need to be more.

What I am not is in that state of mind where I am willing to put my needs on hold for someone else 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. I don't have the patience to indulge on someone else's whims or stupidity. Most of all, I do not have the moral ground to tell anyone what is right or wrong.

Because that's what parents are (or should be). So that means that if you have to put a hold on replacing your old pair of shoes so you can pay for your child's tuition and other ridiculously expensive fees for kindergarten, then so be it. If you have to repeat the answer to the question of "Why can't I go out with my friends?" one more time without screaming, then good for you. And if you have to explain why a child should wait for the right time and way to have sex without being reminded of your own mistakes, then congratulations! You're ready to become a parent.

But if you have even one iota of doubt that you can do just one of those things. If you don't think you're ready or if you feel you wouldn't make a good parent, then don't be a parent. I don't know if there's a government in the world who doesn't require you get a license before you're allowed to drive. So why aren't parents regulated the same way? Can you think of any other role that has a more significant effect on a human life than that of a parent?

As Promised...

2008-06-22T23:30:00.002+08:00

As promised, I am writing a game log of the recent session we had playing Amber. This is in part to make sure I don't get penalized for extra points I received in the game during character to creation. So, what is Amber, you ask?

As I mentioned, Amber is a role-playing game based on a series called Chronicles of Amber. The players take the roles of immortals called Amberites, beings with god-like abilities. In their quest for amusement, they visit Shadow Worlds which are a lot like parallel universes where anything and everything is possible. They are called Shadows because they are considered "partly" real to the world of Amber and not because they are "dark" of "evil".

What sets apart Amber the role-playing game is that it is a dice-less game. If you are a long-time RPGer, your eyebrows would be cocked right now. Afterall, all games have a randomizer which makes things more or less equal to all players, be it dice or cards or a roulette of sorts. Amber pretty much works on the idea that anything is possible. It's basically up to the Storyteller/Gamesmaster to tell you what can or cannot happen, which means that the game is for "mature" gamers.

With the setting malleable, you could pretty much play in whatever time or place you want, be it fact or fiction. In our game session, we went through detective pulp-fiction era, WWII England, Tolkienese Middle-Earth, the Matrix Universe and Star Wars.

Sam's character, Amaryllis, finds herself the target of a fugitive allied with Chaos. She is framed for murder in a Shadow world and is forced to escape and find her nemesis. The King of Amber hears of it and sends her two cousins Braxis (my character and Mathrim (Urim's character) to find out what has happened.

We follow her trail from her Shadow world of 1930's pulp-fiction to Rivendale just before the Council convenes to decide the fate of the One ring. They find the rulers of Narnia and Aslan there as well, seeking the White Witch who has escaped into Middle-Earth. Finally deciding to bring the One Ring to Mount Doom and investigating the rumors of an alliance of Fire and Ice, the group heads towards the mines of Moria. Ambushed by goblins, they fight their way to a fork where the Fellowship and the Amberites must continue on different paths.

The Amberites, finding their quarry, follow him to the world of the Matrix where the two factions seem to be capable of a crude version of travelling between worlds, though limited only to their own. They also discover that he seems to be baiting them, appearing just long enough for them to follow him. Sensing that he is allied with the agents, the three throw their lot with Morpheus and his crew. Battle ensues between the Agents and the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar during a recruitment of trained assassins, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Again, the fugitive makes an appearance and goads the Amberites to another world where they find themselves in a pitched battle between Jedi and Droids in a fire-stoked world of volcanoes and earthquakes. Cornering their fugitive, Braxis challenges him to a duel and subdues him. He is revealed to be Gerald, a member of the Royal line of Amber and a relative of the three.

Gerald explains that he had goaded them to chase after him in an attempt for them to experience adventures in the Shadow worlds. The trump he had given to Amaryllis earlier recorded the entire endeavor. He planned to give the gift to Fiona who was celebrating her birthday. After all, what better gift to give an immortal than a souvenir of one's adventures in the Shadow world.

"Sometimes we plant evidence..."

2008-05-30T23:06:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I last made an entry to this blog. Mainly because I had non inspiration to write about anything. But this morning, as I ate breakfast and read the news, I just had to go online and write a rant.

It seems to me that people in authority are getting more and more careless. An example would be the Meralco fiasco currently gracing the headlines. Someone just had to blurt out that Meralco had been charging the public their own electricity usage or that we've been charged for electricity that has yet to be delivered. And just when you thought things couldn't get any more embarassing, they just did.

The director of the PDEA (Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency) admitted that his agency is forced to "plant evidence" in "some special cases."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you heard it right. Undersecratary Dionisio Santiago (who won't be for long after this debacle is over) has confessed that under special circumstances, they are "forced" to plant evidence but only with "well-known drug traffickers" even though they know it is "against the law" to do so.

Has it sunk in, yet? The reprecussions of his quoted statement will have lasting consequences in the outcome of each and every case filed against drug traffickers (and users) for a decade or so. If Undersecratary Santiago was trying to impress people with the secret of his success, this statement is likely to backfire on the credibility of the PDEA and it's future leaders.

He should have just kept his mouth shut.

The Road to Emm'aus

2008-04-06T21:28:00.002+08:00

Prophecies have a bad habit of biting you in the ass. It's funny how you never know if they are true until they've already happened. Or that they never turn out to be quite literal.

Gnostics believed that the physical is evil while the spiritual is good. It's a bit extreme but not without basis. When we think of sin, it's usually related to something physical or carnal like money and sex. Of themselves, they are not "evil" but wanting them too much or becoming obssessed with them is. Whereas denying them, much like Buddhists refrain from worldly things, is often seen as good.

The Jews of Jesus time thought that the Messiah would set them free. But because they were being oppressed by the Romans at that time, they thought it was a political freedom and not a spiritual one. Sometimes I wonder if Jesus wasn't born at the wrong time.

His deliverance of the Israelites from the Romans would have been quite apt. They were looking for a hero like Moses and Elijah - hence, the frequent references to them. But God had other plans, I think. He was more concerned about mankind's spiritual salvery, it's fear of death. After all, mortal rulers would come and go, so the Israelites would be set free again. It was only a matter of time, really. They didn't need a hero for that.

But fear of death, fear of our lives not having a purpose - that's not something people could be freed from easily. They would need more than a leader; they needed a teacher. Someone who would walk by them and give them courage as they walked the path of life.

Earth Hour

2008-04-01T01:21:00.002+08:00

The transcript below is a discussion overheard between two people in a jeep as I made my way home from SM Southmall during Earth Hour. Pardon me if don't tranlate it for my international readers. Yeah, right.

Jeepney Driver (JD): Bakit namatay ang ilaw ng SM?

Passenger (P): Di mo ba alam, World Black Out?

JD: Ha? Ibig mong sabihin sa buong mundo?

P: Oo, sabay-sabay nga, eh!

JD: Bakit di gamitin ng SM yung generators nila?

P: Ewan. Sana nga ginawa nila nung 10pm or 11pm na lang. Para di maka-abala. Patay naman ang ilaw nun, eh!

I swear to God this is was how he conversation played out.

Doubting Thomas

2008-04-01T01:04:00.003+08:00

We all doubt. This world has made us jaded that we often question a stroke of luck or a shower of grace. After all, the world isn't kind. Some people believe it's mean but I prefer to think that it seeks to balance things out.

Jesus blesses those who have not seen but believe. In essence, that's all of us who follow him since we have not seen him and yet we believe he is ressurected. They call this belief faith. It's not like trust where we believe because we have seen evidence; it's based on on rational thinking. Faith is irrational because we are called to believe in something we have very little understanding.

The priest who conducted homily spoke of empericist - people who only believe if their 5 senses can detect it. I don't think that people who demand proof are any worse off than people who have faith. It works both ways; those who demand proof will not listen to hearsay but rather judge based on merit. So regardless if people speak ill of someone, unitl the empericist sees for himself, he will not believe. Innocent until proven guilty.

Washing People's Feet

2008-04-01T00:46:00.003+08:00

On Maunday Thursday, the gospel for mass described Jesus becoming the servant by washing the feet of his disciples. To have your master lower himself would have unnerved any servant. Especially if you felt were undeserving of such attentions. Or were uncomfortable letting anyone near your feet. LOL

But Jesus was out to make a point, that what He wanted were people who would serve others. It's a hard road and it's better for them to know what they were getting into. If only someone could tell us that everytime we would make a profound choice.

When Peter asked Jesus that not only would his feet need washing, I almost burst out laughing. Okay, that would have gotten me weird stares and disapproving looks but I could imagine Jesus looking at Peter and saying, "Sumusobra ka na, ha!"

Sorry, Jesus, you know what a smart ass I can be at times.

Peter reminds me of the type of person who wants the "power" but doesn't know what responsibilities it entails. I used to be like that. For a time, I wanted to be a priest without really considering if it was what I wanted. What I wanted was safety - someone to tell me what to do so I didn't feel responsible if I failed. And yet we chaffe when we can't go where we want. So I decided to find another way to be close to God.

Politics Make Me Laugh

2008-04-01T00:11:00.004+08:00

One high ranking official says that there is no rice shortage but at the same time asks restuarants to offer half-cup servings to lessen the waste. I don't know the exact term for it but oxymoron seems to be the closest I can find.

Unfortunately, that's what we can expect from politicians and people in charge. We say one thing but mean the opposite.

The economy is improving but people are still poor.

We are a rich country pretending to be poor.

We value our employees but we can't pay them better wages.

But then, where would I find my daily fix of stupidity? Not that I'm saying I'm immune. I've had my fair share of incompetence. It's just that it doesn't affect the lives of more than my immediate vicinity. Besides, now that I'm on my 4th month of unemployment, I just can't get it from the workplace anymore.

Not that I don't manage to hear just how worse things off are, I do. Some of my old officemates keep in touch and tell me how bad things are. Actually, they pretty much just vent. I'm more than happy to oblige though. I know how important it is for people to get things off their chest. They seem to find it easier to do so in my presence. Go figure.

In parting - mainly because I don't know how to end this entry - let me leave you with another oxymoron.

It's too bad they can't just keep their mouth shut.

Janina San Miguel Scandal

2008-03-16T23:16:00.001+08:00

A friend sent me an email thinking I would get a laugh out of it. Instead, I was fairly embarassed. I couldn't watch the entire clip; I had to pause every minutes or so to work up the courage to watch the rest of it. Everyone else found it amusing to see someone make a fool of herself on live television. Though she may have won the title, it will forever carry a stigma for her.

Most people laughed at her. Some were outraged that she won anyway. What I didn't expect was for someone to defend her. A columnist from the Inquirer said that we shouldn't make fun of her since these contests were hard and stressful for the participants. I would agree on him on that part.

Except that if that were the case, why does she deserve to win when the others managed to handle the pressure? Shouldn't they be more deserving of the title? By selecting her as a winner, what kind of message does that send out?

I'll tell you. Beauty is will always overshadow intellect - and our society will continue to promote that. Too bad we missed the opportunity to prove that looks aren't everything.

No wonder it's called a beauty pagent.

Palm Sunday

2008-03-16T22:31:00.003+08:00

Palm Sunday has the longest Gospel of any Sunday of the year. It chronicles Jesus last mortal days from the Last Supper to the Crucifixion. I don't really understand why they read the entire story then and not during the mass for the days leading to Easter Sunday. I should probably ask a priest about that.

For those of you who are wondering, how is possible for Jesus Christ to die on a Friday and Ressurect on a Sunday when the gospel states, "...on the third day, He rose again." That would have been only 2 days.

Simple, if you consider that the third day doesn't relate to his death but rather to the suffering he endured during his journey to Calvary. It wasn't phrased "after three days".

I found the Gospel bit confusing in it's portrayal of Jesus Christ. He seems quite...inconsistent. At one point, he is calm and sure of Himself while being questioned by the Pharisees and Pontius Pilate, in the next he asks God why He has forsaken Him.

But then, when you're human, you don't really act consistent. That's why we have the term "human factor" to denote those outcomes that are opposite of what is expected. I guess when you are facing your imminent death - regardless of whether you are certain of being ressurrected - you still fear the pain and the uncertainty. The fact those who told Him they loved him and would follow him were falling asleep just made him feel more alone.

The mass started late so my dad was upset. One of the lay ministers tried to placate him. I was annoyed both at their argument and the fact the priest was late. These things happen. You can't expect perfection from a human institution. Still, it just makes me feel irritated. Maybe because seeing someone who encourages others to be prompt becoming late just doesn't inspire me.

The Lay Minister tried to explain that the priest had too much to do. He had a mass, a baptism, another mass and several other tasks to accomplish for the day. He (the priest) hadn't even had breakfast yet. All I could think of was, the Lay Minister was making excuses for him. All he really said was that he didn't know how to organize and schedule activities. If you can't handle the number of things you need to do, change it. I don't think a lot of people would mind, especially if they knew you were the only priest in the parish.

(Don't even get me started on that.)

Of course, this doesn't happen often. But once is usually enough for some people. I thought about it and realized I didn't have the right to be bothered by it. After all, he probably had his reasons. It's not like he said, "I think I'll be late for the next mass. I want to watch the Pacquia/Morales match."

Lazarus Redux

2008-03-10T18:22:00.003+08:00

Okay, so I had this crazy idea for a weekly entry in my blog. I was at church last Sunday by myself. Yeah, I know, big surprise there. As I sat listening to the priest's homily, I thought I could deliver a better one. No offense but I've always felt that the homily or priests were really...bland and out of date. They rarely touch on our daily life. Or rather, they don't answer the questions we might be asking as we listen to the gospel.

If you've been reading my posts, you'll notice that I made some comments about the Gospel a few times. It wasn't really structured in a way to convey some sort of profound idea. They were more like commentaries and cheap shots in the dark. Which doesn't really help people. Sort of like finding out who to blame doesn't really solve the problem.

So, until I find something else better to talk about, I'll be writing my own homilies for the Sunday Gospel every week. I'm pretty sure this doesn't violate any Church-written by-laws. If it is, I hope someone out there tells me. So here it is, my take on last Sundays gospel.

The Gospel of Lazarus being brought back to life would often entail a homily of Jesus power over death. This further supports his "title" as "the Way, the Truth and the Life." Other homilies would probably center on death, our fear of dying and the metaphor of life and death. What I really want to ask is, why did Jesus wait too long to see his friend Lazarus? In other words, why let him die?

Some people might say he didn't care. But then, the gospel recounts the fact that he was a dear friend and that he was close to His heart. So why would he ignore him? Why not go to Lazarus and cure him of his illness? Why wait and let his friend die?

Some would say that Jesus was confident, that regardless of whether he arrived today or tomorrow, he would have been able to cure Lazarus. Heck, he was able to bring him back from the dead. (And no, I don't plan to do a debate on whether he was dead, unconscious or in a coma.) If so, then Jesus would appear confident of his ability to bring back people from the dead. Which wouldn't really be in character, if you think about it.

I can think of one reason: it's all in the plan. A lot of us don't like leaving things up to faith - myself included. In this day and age, we like to be assured that we have the power to do things we want, when we want. Leaving it up to God is kind of...anti-thetical to who we are as people. But see, there are somethings we can't do and sometimes, you just to let things happen.

The Jesus doesn't want us to suffer. But if God granted every prayer, we would always look to Him to do everything for us. And that would only make matters worse. We always take for granted those things we get for free. Love, friendship, the ability to walk, run and jump. We always want something more. We envy those who have it and sometimes, though you may not admit it, we wish them ill for being better off.

In the gospel, Jesus allowed things to happen because it was all according to plan. For people to believe he was the Son of God, he had to make miracles happen. We do not believe until we have proof, that's how we are oftentimes. That's not such a bad thing either. After all, if we believed everyone who proclaimed he was the messiah, I think we would be worse off.

So He performs miracles to help us understand and believe in Him. He is already able to heal the sick, give sight to the blind, allow the deaf and mute to hear and speak. Although people are at awe of Him, this isn't enough. For people to believe he is who He claims, he has to live up to the prophecies told of Him. He has to conquer death. And he does so by resurrecting Lazarus.

Things happen for a reason and there is no single step that leads us to faith and enlightenment. It comes over time and the journey is often long and ardous. Lazarus death was necessary for Jesus to perform his miracle. So you may be wondering, why Lazarus? There is certainly no shortage of people dying. I can think of several reasons but the most prominent is this: because he has faith.

Lazarus would not be close to Jesus if he didn't believe in Him. Also, Lazarus was also part of a group that followed Jesus. He was known by a lot of people. If Jesus had resurrected someone unknown, he could have only converted one person. But by resurrecting Lazarus, he was able to convince many who knew him of who He was.

I Am Now 29

2008-02-18T00:32:00.002+08:00

So it's my 29th birthday. Damn, I feel old. LOL But then I don't really feel 29. I don't feel any different from when I was 19. I still like the same foods, find the same type of girls attractive, read the same authors. The only thing different is I learned a lot of new things and met a lot more people. So, growing old isn't really that bad. Hahaha!

Otanjoubi Omedetou Gozaimasu

2008-02-14T00:38:00.002+08:00

Two years ago, I received this email from my friend Sam. Since then, it has been my tradition to read it on my birthday as a sort of mantra that anything is possible. Thank you, Sam!

Dearest Aldwin,

Hurrah! You are now officially old……er………than me………still. Hahahahaha!

The years that have passed have been great. That’s because I have you as one of my very good friends. I thank the powers that be for giving you another year in this earth. Hehehe. Aldwin, this is your day! Happy birthday! :)

By the way, sometimes, magic does not just happen; it has to be made or allowed to happen. You often tell me that you’re hoping something magical will happen to you on your special day. Most of us do and that’s a wonderful thing to hope for. However, instead of waiting for magic to happen today why don’t you make it happen? Make magic, Aldwin.

Consider this day your free pass/ticket (valid until the 15th only hehe) to test fate without it reeling back in retaliation. Who knows? Maybe it’s waiting for you to pull the lever or push the button. :) And while you’re at it why not be a bit selfish as well? Hehe, there’s nothing wrong with that. Now, I’m not suggesting you go around and be egotistical… too much selfishness is conceit after all, and that’s bad, very bad…not even your birthday will save you. Hahahaha.

Happy Birthday Aldwin! With all the sincerity I can muster (and send through cyberspace :) ) I wish you a very magical day!!! *dances like a fairy princess to summon luck*

Sam …. NOT MILBY…..

Arguments - Part 1

2008-02-11T03:00:00.000+08:00

This is in response from my previous article "This Week's Readings Pissed Me Off"

Aldwin: But wouldn't your statement put into question God being perfect? After all, why would God make things flawed? What the Garden of Eden serves to illustrate is time when things were perfect. When Adam and Eve ate the fruit, that story serves to illustrate is how mankind fell from grace. That is, became imperfect.

Joan: No, it doesnt put to question God being perfect. The book said the things he made were "good", not perfect, not flawless. He made humans in his image, he did not make other gods. It doesnt say that it was a perfect time. Only that it was a time of plenty and when things were simple. what it illustrates is how Man in a creative overuse of his newly found freedom disobeyed a simple command.

This Week's Readings Pissed Me Off

2008-02-11T01:21:00.000+08:00

Everyone knows the story about Adam and Eve. Well, everyone who has ever picked up a Bible. I never really saw it as anything but a story until recently when I read the misalette for this Sunday's mass. Then I was just...pissed.

The misalette described Adam and Eve's sin as ungrateful disobediance. That is just so...wrong. I don't think it was ungrateful. I don't think it was even disobedience. If I didn't know any better, I would think it was a conspiracy to ensure that Adam and Eve would commit a sin.

God puts a tree of of good and evil within arm's reach of Adam and Eve. God puts a snake to tempt/trick Eve into taking it's fruit and eating it. He may as well have handed the fruit to them Himself. What kind of God would do something like that?

I'll tell you. It's not my God, that's for sure. I'd like to think that God is smarter than that or a bit more careful. Thank goodness this is just a story and not the Gospel truth. No wonder the Lord's Prayer ends with "Do not lead us into temptation."

I realize that there are so many questions I have about this story. Such as Eve being tempted/tricked by the serpent into eating the fruit and sharing it with Adam. It's almost like saying that women will lead me to sin and men are too stupid and ignorant to know any better.

The gospel talks about how Jesus went into the desert and fasted for 40 days. Some people might say that he did not eat anything or drink anything. If God were human, he would have died on the thrid day because no human can last without water for 3 days. And no human can survive without food for seven days.

But Jesus isn't human. In fact, our religion class called him God-man, as if he were a mix of both. That's fine; his divinity sustained him while his human side waivered. But if that were true, wouldn't the temptations be...meaningless?

I mean, if you could survive 40 days without eating (which is well past the human norm) then being tempted by the devil to turn bread to stone was pretty mute. And being asked to jump off a cliff? I may be divine but I'm not stupid, is how I would have responded. As for having the world bow down and worship? Who wants that responsibility? Can you imagine people whinning about this and that little thing? Asking for favors and exemptions? Besides, if he were divine, I think he would have known that the world would be worshipping him. After all, there is no other cause more...proclaimed than doing the work of God. Including wars and genocide.

And in case you think I'm being irrespectful to God, think again. I'm poking holes at the connotations, not God.

One Month and Counting...

2008-02-06T23:51:00.000+08:00

So it's been a month since I resigned. Honestly, I didn't take into account it would take this long to find a new job. I've been to 7 interviews and 2 online exams. I've applied to 12 different companies and got rejected by 2. The others are taking their sweet time.

I guess I didn't to take into account that companies wouldn't be trying procesing applications quickly, no matter how much they are in need. I also didn't take into account that you can't be honest, that not all people who interview you are qualified and that they might simply pumping you for info regarding their competition.

So, to commemorate my first month of being unemployed, here are a few tips for you:

- Do not tell them the truth. Companies aren't interested in the truth or your opinions. They just want to hear what a good drone you can be. I was asked if could think of a reason why they wouldn't hire me, I told them the truth. I told them that I wasn't interested in maintaining the status quo; if there's something wrong going on, I wasn't about to sweep it under the rug. I would do what I could to correct it. I got a text message that I didn't qualify for the position the next day.

- Make sure the people who interview you are qualified. I went to an appointment, expecting to be interviewed by a manager. Instead, I was interviewed by team leads, the same position I was applying for. They asked me all kind of questions about statistics and programs I made to improve performance of my team. They wanted to know how much improvement in percentage the program resulted in. WTF?! If you want a feasibility study, you should go back to college. Any supervisor worth his salt knows that you can't measure performance by incremental percentages. It was like being asked to study for a Trigonometry exam but the test was for Algebra. You knew how to find the answers but it was annoying to be asked a different set of questions.

- Expect bureacracy. Regardless of how interested (re: desparate) a company is in filling positions, they are never as efficient as they need to be. They can also be very picky, especially for manegerial positions. So it will take some time before they get back to you. If possible, be sure to bring several copies of your resume.

- Don't forget to ask questions. A lot of the time, these people will be asking questions about your company as a way to gether intelligence. Can't believe how many tiems they asked me for my salary and my benefits. So do some research and ask them some questions too. Especially ones that will make you decide whether or not it's worth to take up their offer.

Our Pets and Companions

2008-02-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

For as far back as I can remember, my family and I have always had pet dogs. The earliest I remember was Doggie, our first dog. We had him back when we moved to our home in Las Pinas in 1984, I think. As you can imagine, we weren't really that creative with our pet names. Hahaha!

Since we lived in Australia, we didn't have any pets until we came back in 1990. Our first dog then was London. I don't remember how he was named that but what I do remember was that he was given to us by my cousin, Christine. I remember that when brought this dog home, he hid under the washing machine. He was so small back then that he managed to fit into one of the nooks there.

After that was Odie. Again, he was given to us by our cousin, Christine. He was London's nephew, I think. Christine had to find a new home for him because she was allergic to dogs by then. What I remember most about Odie was how he had howled the first night we brought him home. We couldn't sleep because he kept it up all night.

He lasted well into old age when he couldn't even stand up anymore. My mom loved that dog so much that she would feed him milk every morning, noon and night. When he died, I spent a Sunday afternoon digging his grave and burying him in the backyard. I wish I could have given him a proper burial.

Then came the pairs, Lab-lab and Chow-chow. My mom named them that because they looked like a Labrador and a Chow-chow. They mated and gave us two litters of puppies. We gave them away to friends and family we knew would take care of them.

We kept one for ourselves, Choc-choc. My brother loves this dog more than the others we had. He calls her his "darling". Hehehe! And Choc-choc knows it. Which is why she is always excited when he comes home from work.

Mig-mig came to us from our family in Pampanga. He is Choc-choc's nephew, one of the litters of puppies we gave was named Lancer who sired him from one of the othr dogs there. He's pretty tempermental; he doesn't like being forced to do anything he doesn't like taking a bath. But he's gotten used to it especially since he knows he gets a rubdown right after.

Happy Birthday, Elaine!

2008-02-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

Just posting a shout out to Elaine, Seth's wife on her nth birthday. Hehehe! Hope you have many more to come.

Ramblings on Riding the Bus and Others

2008-01-31T12:12:00.000+08:00

One of the worst things I have had to endure while riding the bus has been the Filipino movies they show on it. I'm pretty sure that it's illegal for them play the movie as it says so in the openning screen. Anyway, what really gets to me is the feeling of being VIOLATED by the quality of the movies they show.

For example, the particular movie I was forced to watched chronicles the story of a man who is abused by a group of thugs who happen to be police officers and his subsequent road to vengence. To make a long story short - because my brain could not contain all the things that was wrong with that film - it was terrible. I felt so VIOLATED intellectually that I wanted the victims to suffer for their STUPIDITY. I was actually laughing at the drama and action scenes. I think the person sitting next to me thought I was insane.

Speaking of aircon buses, I read in the news that bus operators were demanding an increase in fare of almost 90%. I wouldn't mind it so much if their air-conditioning was actually working properly. If these bus operators want to dictate the fare, I suggest we enact a law that sanctions buses that have air-conditioning that are not able to maitain a certain temprature. That's fair, right?

I was reading a newspaper while waiting for my interviewer and I could not help but feel sickened at the politics in the country. According to Inquirer, Jan 30 issue, we have 2 candidates gfor the most corrupt leaders in the world - Marcos and Erap. We are number 47 in the most corrupt countries of the world which might not be so bad if you don't take into account that there's approximately more than 200 countries in the world.

This is so depressing.

I've been sneezing every morning. I don't think it's a cold. It might be an allergy. But what could I be allergic to? Hmmmm, could it be the dogs? It would have been weird if it work stress or work. But I've been jobless for almost a month now so that can't be it. It all started when our house was renovated so the doctor said it was probably all the dust. But if so, then it would be weird since it's been two years since that time. I should probably see an allergologist soon. The medicine is pretty expensive, it costs about P25 a pill.

Rite of Passage

2008-01-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

Today, I am a man.

Okay, not really. But still, I did what any male capable of driving should do: fix the car. Or rather get someone to fix it. Either way, what ever problems it had is now fixed. It cost a pretty penny and I spent an entire day waiting, watching and asking questions. But I got it done.

Normally, it's my brother who does this. He's the more mechanically and socially inclined. He works well with people and machines. Whereas I pretty much keep to myself and let other people do the talking. But recently, Adrian decided I should learn to do these things. Especially since I have the time (re: unemployed). My lazy ass should be put to better use than just taking up space.

So I went to the mechanic, watched how they did what they did, asked questions so I could understand it and pay them their due. I think I did a pretty good job. Especially with the asking questions part.

I'm usually quiet and unmindful of other people until they decide to talk to me. I'm used to being the go-to guy. This time around though, I acted as the I-haven't-got-a-clue guy. Wasn't so hard seeing that I really didn't have a clue. But they were patient enough to answer my questions.

One thing I do not like to do is bargaining. I pretty much hate trying to haggle with someone. But apparently, it's expected. Which is why some merchants put the price high. Still, I think it's not right to do either (raising the price and asking for a discount). I especially don't like it when people do it in a department store.

Tuazon Family Reunion of 2008

2008-01-21T23:08:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, the Tuazon family (my mom's mother's side) of the family had a reunion. It was a small, intimate gathering. Not everyone could be present but each branch of the family was able to get at least three representatives each. This came about with the visit of Tita Nancy and Tito Sonny who came from the US.

We also had good a bad news. Catherine Baking, my cousin, gave birth to a baby girl last December but passed away soon after on Christmas day. I haven't seen her since we left for Australia back in 1987. Even when we visited the US, she wasn't with her family because she and her father had an argument. It's sad they weren't able to patch things up until her father passed away. I guess now, they'll have that chance.

Warlords

2008-01-16T21:48:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching the movie called Warlords starring Jet Li, Andy Lau and Takeshi Kaneshiro. The operative word there is "watched" because though the DVD copy was crystal clear, I couldn't understand a word being said. The subtitles seemed to have been done by a 5 year old then run through spell check. LOL

Anyway, that didn't stop me from enjoying the film. The visuals (and some of the subtitles) were enough to tell me the story of brotherhood and betrayal. There's a lot of drama mixed in with the fight scenes. I've never seen so many grown men cry. But it all fits nicely into the story.

Like Hero, the story is a tragedy of how ambition can turn the closest of allies into enemies. I only wish our (Filipino) movies could be like this. But then, what I noticed about most Filipino movies is how they focus on the person and not an idea or a cause. Sort of like our politics. But I digress; that's a debate for another time.

Dampa

2008-01-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, I went to Dampa at Diosdado Macapagal Avenue with my former co-supervisors and managers. It was the first time I had gone there to eat as well as an all seafood menu. Still the prawns, mussels, crabs and squid were great. I liked how they cooked each one but my favorite were the sizzling gambas and buttered garlic shrimps.

This would be a good place to treat my friends on my birthday.

My First Day Jobless

2008-01-07T18:12:00.000+08:00

Okay. I'm jobless. Now what?

I'm not too frightened at the prospect of being unemployed. I know I'm good; I have the credentials and the testimony to back it up. I decided to quit because I was burnt out and I needed a break. I don't plan to be a bum for long. In truth, I can't afford it. I still have payments to make on this laptop.

I should probably create an itinerary for what I need to do for the next few weeks. It should help me get things done. I am so O/C. Maybe MS Outlook can help me with that...

Good thing I sold my stocks. I managed to get a good price for them. I could have sold them last year around this time and gotten twice what they're worth now. But I made the mistake of waiting. Funny thing about waiting; sometimes you end up losing a lot more than what you have.

I told others to wait too but that ended up being a bad idea. The price plummeted to a third of the highest price. I don't know if they blame me for it but I feel sorry for not having told them to sell it at a time it was at an all-time high. Some people could have gotten close to 10,000 to 50,000 pesos. That was the last time I gave advice about the stock market.

I'm afraid; I think I might end up being a lazy ass instead of making good use of this time to work on a lot of things like my weight. I also wanted to work on this blog, as well as the other one for the Giovanni Chronicles. The game may be a year old and has no chance of being continued but I have to admit, it should be saved for posterity's sake.

Karl made some awesome portraits of the characters. Joan submitted some great entries for her character's journal. I forwarded the emails from my office inbox to the one at Gmail. I should probably put it all in a Word document first and design some format of displaying it; I'm O/C that way. But my need to put things in order can often be trumped by my laziness.

I finsihed watching Battlestar Galactica Season 1 to 3. It's hard to believe that this show was originally shown in the late 1970's and revived several times. But this is the first time it actually clicked and managed to get 3 seasons so far.

I like the premise of a society trying to survive, making hard decisions that question their values. In a sense, you can see how a society changes in an almost daily basis. Their values are questioned to the point where they must discard it.

Holiday Ramblings

2007-12-31T12:23:00.000+08:00

The Holidays always leave me with mixed feelings. At one end, I feel generous enough to spend my money for my friends and family but not for those who beg out in the streets because they don't have anything to eat. I feel so hopeful for the world that it will become a better place and yet feel so depressed for myself because love has eluded me once again.

During this time of the year, it always seems as if all emotions are heightened, good and bad. Although we can feel quite loving at one point, we can also feel quite angry at our friends and family.

I had an argument with my mom that almost made me leave her, the car and the groceries in the middle of traffic. I was disappointed at a friend who cancelled at the last minute, especially since he said we should assume he is coming unless he tells us before hand. My agents have been whinning that they aren't getting enough time on meeting mode like the other agents from different teams.

Somebody shoot me.

The priest gave a homily asking why Jesus was born in manger and not some place like Asian Hospital. He said it was a show of humility. Right. If you were Herod and you knew that the King of the Jews was being born, wouldn't the first place you would look is a hospital or somewhere opulent? Not to disparage the priest but Jesus wasn't just being humble, God was being practical. Having His Son born somewhere obvious was like putting a bull's eye on his forehead.

Do me a favor. Look at a wall-mounted fan. Look at the draw string, look at the knob indicating the speed, watch it swing left to right repeatedly. Now, make it point in one direction.

If you'll notice, the device that makes it stop and point in one direction is at the back of the fan. Out of reach. Why is that? Because the makers used the same body for a desktop fan. You'd think that they would have made it more convenient by putting some sort of switch within reach. But it just goes to show how stupid or indifferent people can be.

I bought the OST for Music and Lyrics which turned out to be a bad idea. Especially after breaking up since the music is hopeful. Damn it! Still the music is great. I just have to find away of relating it to other things.

Resigned

2007-12-09T20:54:00.000+08:00

I submitted my resignation letter just last week, effective January 6. I'm not really worried about not getting a job. There's always a position out there needing to be filled. I'm just sad that it came to this.

This was my first job. Like all firsts, it's hard to let go even when it's time to move on. There wasn't just one reason or one incident that led me to make this decision: boredome, dissatisfaction, heart-ache. When I looked at my future for another 5 years, I saw...nothing.

I didnt want to be stuck at something I felt was slowly draining the life out of me. I didn't want to end up being a miserable old coot who didn't give a damn about the other people I worked with. I didn't want to constantly fight those who I called my boss. I didn't want to be saddled with a cold emptiness everytime I saw her happy.

So I'm leaving. To find a better place. To see what I could become. To know if I was more than just what people thought I was. It'll be hard, it'll be painful and it may kill me. But no one ever gained much without risking much either.

Stepping on People and Grabbing My Ass

2007-11-25T22:51:00.000+08:00

I went to a leadership training seminar over the weekend. I didn't really want to go because it meant having to forego my Saturday night RPG game. But I realized that this would be a good way to spend a weekend. It would be the last team building I'd have with my fellow supervisors. The fact that it was organized by the least liked person in the company didn't really make a difference.

So we did some tasks, got some stuff off our chest and managed to get some good food in the process. Some of the tasks were impossible - until we actually tried them. In which case, we realized that all we needed to do was pull our weights and get it done.

One of the tasks involved climbing a 20 foot wall with no ropes and no handholds. Pretty hard, especially since I had to depend on people to step on and pull me up. Never been so happy stepping on people and having my ass-grabbed by another guy.

Thought of some captions for the picture above.

All hail the wise ass!
We shall move him through the power of our mind.
If he can get over the wall, we all can!
Eeee! It's Brad Pitt! Someone grab his ass!

Okay, I've poked fun at myself enough. Time to stop making an ass of myself.

Brazil Brazil 2007

2007-11-04T18:09:00.000+08:00

I got my Management Incentive Plan this last pay period along with some other supervisors. It's one of the reasons I decided to stay with the company for a little bit more. That along with the Kenneth Cole Reaction watch that I got earlier last month. I should have gotten it back in June but there was a problem with purchasing.

So, we went to Brazil Brazil at Fort Bonifacio. We pretty much packed the Honda City I brought. We were half afraid we would get pulled over for not using the seat belts on the front passenger side because 2 people were sitting there. Good thing we didn't have to go too far.

Brazil Brazil was the only place that was all-you-can-eat. They served a selection of grilled meats of different cuts and flavors. It was a vegetarian's nightmare. LOL Teejay was acting pretty tipsy by the time he was done. I think it was all the fat he ate that came with the meats.

During dinner, I realized that no matter how much we wanted to talk about everything else under the sun, work would always rear it's ugly head. I'm just glad it didn't turn out to be a ranting session even when we were having coffee. I might have said a lot of things on my mind right there and then. That would have been a remarkable way to end my career at PS.

Asking for a Clean Slate

2007-11-04T16:48:00.000+08:00

It's funny how the people who end up doing the most damage are the same ones who ask to start over on a clean slate. News flash! That's just their way of not wanting to own up the shit they put you through.

Questionning your Beliefs

2007-10-21T22:42:00.000+08:00

Gah! I had written an long article and then it gets deleted by the freaking system. I'll try to repost it again. Here goes:

There's a song in the Broadway Musical called Avenue Q entitled the Money Song. The lyrcics go:

When you help others,
You can’t help helping yourself!
Every time you
Do good deeds
You’re also serving
Your own needs.
When you help others,
You're really helping yourself!

Sounds selfish I know but it's the truth. After a series of life-changing events (ok, they weren't that life changing but still, they got me thinking), I decided to reach out to some friends that I hadn't talked to in a while to compare notes. We've talked about everything from life to love to sex and faith.

It's amazing but questioning your beliefs can either make you change them or adhere to them even more. I've written three articles so far (including this one) in the last few hours because I'm trying to figure out just what I believe in. More than that, it's made me feel more complete knowing just what my points of view are.

Some people might think that questionning your beliefs is asking for trouble. I don't think that's the case. Sure, you may end up forsaking what you once held dear but then wouldn't it be better holding on to something and knowing the reason why?

So, dear reader, if you have some questions, why not drop them here and let's see where they lead.

One More Chance

2007-10-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

I was flipping channels this weekend when I came upon a movie trailer for a local film. I don't recall who the actors were - and frankly, I don't care. But the basic plot of the movie is about two people breaking up and what happens after. Needless to say, it was a tear-jerker because everyone who has even been in and out of love has experienced the same things showcased in the film.

The trailer asked the question most people who have ever been in a relationship want to know but fear the answer to:

"When should you hold on?" and "When should you let go?"

I found myself asking that same question too. For those of you who don't know, I just broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months. Though it is tempting to use it as a case study for this article, I'd prefer to speak in general. Still not comfortable talking about it and, as my "therapist" says, it's too early to tell.

The answer to those questions is the same to most of life's mysteries: it depends. On a lot of things. Mostly how you feel and the circumstance you are in. It would be great to be able to have an all-encompassing answer but that isn't always fair or accurate for everyone.

I guess the best way to go about it is just make a choice and see if it works. If it does, good for you. If it doesn't, well, you can ask the question again and give a new answer. In the end, whatever works for you is the best answer. Just make sure you answer it.

Discussions After Mass

2007-10-21T20:50:00.001+08:00

My brother and I went to mass and at the end, he asked me several questions. Rather than go through them one at a time, I'll just write down what I answered:

No, I don't feel incomplete whenever I fail to go to church on Sunday. I don't feel God loves me any less. Because if that were the case, then God's love is not as unconditional as they say it is. Like the father in the gospel of the "Prodigal Son", the father loves his sons, regardless of what they do. That is why when the youngest son returns, he welcomes him back with open arms.

God is omnipotent; He doesn't need us to do anything for him. What He want is for us to do things for others. He doesn't need our prayers, he wants us to offer it to people who need it. He doesn't want our good deeds, he wants us to help people who can't help themselves.

People often pray because they want things. For a time, I stopped praying because I found it selfish how I kept asking God to give me things that I didn't have. In retrospect, I had them all along. Or rather, I could make them happen but I just didn't have the patience or the perseverance to make it happen.

Now, I've started praying again. I still ask God for things but not for myself. I ask Him to watch over those I can't because of distance and circumstance. I try to remember to thank Him too. After all, those he watches over are still safe. If there's one thing I learned at work, it's to appreciate the things people do well, even if it's their job.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

2007-09-24T08:06:00.000+08:00

This is the first movie I've seen Adam Sandler share the title role with someone else. And Kevin James is a good choice, especially since he pretty much epitomizes the the nice but fat guy.

I had expected a movie making fun of the gay community but found the movie profound. Although you can't expect to make a comedy without stepping on someone's toes, the underlying theme of this movie is friendship and acceptance.

The funniest scene in this movie would have to be the shower scene with Ving Rhames. Seeing this big, burly, naked man singing and dancing in the shower was too much for me.

If you want to laugh, watch this movie. I think even your gay friends would enjoy it.

The Prodigal Son...and Kuya

2007-09-17T13:48:00.000+08:00

My favorite gospel has always been the story of the prodigal son. I always felt for the older brother, the one who always did the right thing but ended up...well, appreciated but not rewarded.

See, when I was in grade school, my brother wasn't doing so well with his studies. To make him work hard for it, my mom and dad promised him money just to pass. Whereas I got zilch for getting high grades. I can't imagine anything else being so unfair.

But then, when Adrian and I got older, he told me the story about the Prodigal Grandson. It was about us when we were growing up and living with my lolo. Lolo Angel would give me ANYTHING I wanted. I would buy toys and get pizza delivered without having to ask much. My brother didn't. He would point out what he wanted so I could have lolo buy it for me but I'd give it to him.

It took me 15 years to realize this. Even the good guys have their comeuppance. And besides, we never know what happens after the parable, do we? The story of prodigal son is like "a day in the life of...". I'd like to think the kuya was able to accept his brother and say, "Told you so."

Full Circle

2007-09-11T08:07:00.000+08:00

I'm back where I started. Single, drifting and stressed.

It's been a little over a year since I last wrote here. Funny how I pretty much managed to come back where I once started. Makes me wonder if I'll end up back here again in 2008. Don't get me wrong, a lot happened between 2006 and 2007.

For the first time, I was in a romantic relationship and the feeling was mutual. I wanted her to be the one and it seemed like she was. Maybe because of her, I found direction or a sense of purpose. I wasn't drifting day to day, I had an idea where I wanted to go. So the stress wasn't so bad because she was there to make it better.

But then, things began to change. Or rather, they didn't. She says, I went back to how it was before we were a couple. I don't really know what to believe except that it was my fault. I knew it was my fault. I just wish she had let me known sooner rather than keeping it bottled up inside.

Now I'm drifting again. I keep looking back to shore, wondering if she's there waiting for me. She says we can still be friends but I have hard time believing her. Only because I know she won't reach out to me. She's a strong woman; she doesn't need me. She'll find her happiness. I know she will.

I wonder where mine is though.

Busy, busy, busy!

2006-09-04T12:41:00.000+08:00

Three words to explain my lack of content. Sorry folks, I've been busy. But you can check out my other blog here.

I decided to add another blog as I didn't want my current one being overrun by only one aspect of my life. I know, I know. Kind of ironic I should be making another blog when I can hardly write anything in this one.

But it's about the RPG I'm running for my officemates. You might see a few updates there in the next couple of weeks as I am planning to let the participants of the game contribute to its content. And if it's about the game, you'll see it there rather than here.

Enjoy!

Diary

2006-07-29T16:21:00.000+08:00

I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me
The words she's written took me by surpise
you'd never read them in her eyes.
They said that she had found the love she waited for.
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.

When she confronted with the writing there,
simply pretended not to care.
I passed it off as just in keeping with
her total disconcerting air
and though she tried to hide
the love that she denied,
wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.

And as I go through my life, I will give to her my wife
all the sweet things that I can find.

I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me.
The words began stick and tears to flow.
Her meaning now was clear to see.
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.

and as I go through my life, I will wish for her his wife
all the sweet things that she can find
all the sweet things they can find

I wonder if they knew just how this song would stand the test of time. That if you replaced one word, it could still ring true in this technologically-advanced world of ours.

Of course, finding a blog underneath a tree would just be...weird.

Ambiguity

2006-07-23T18:28:00.000+08:00

Blogs have given us a freedom to say what we want with ambiguity. Either hiding our identity or that of the person we wish to talk to. In many ways, we hope the mystery will shield us from the reprecussions we hope to avoid and yet foster an ephiphany to the one person we hope to reach out to.

I am not safe from this desire.

To the person who was once my Marshmallow, I find it hard to let go of you. But let go I must, just like you seem to have done. Though we have known and shared each other's life for the past 9 years, I feel that I still don't know you. Maybe because I wanted you for myself and did not entertain the fact that you had a life other than the one you shared with me.

I see you happy, without me. That's really the only thing I ever wanted for you. But I thought it impossible without me holding your hand.

To my friend across the miles, I hope you decide what you want us to become. I see that you are confused. Maybe because you don't know what to make of us. The absence of communication should not be the end of a friendship.

To my misunderstood paradox, you were a surprise I had hoped to discover sooner. But I think that our mutual interest may have simply made things awkward between us. Of course, the chance to touch a part of you I never knew existed, was exquisite, to say the least. I do hope we'll have more opportunities to get to know each other more.

To my moon child, I wonder what will become of us. Though I see a glint of interest in your eyes, I cannot assume it has a deeper meaning. But I fully intend to discover and enjoy our time together, limited though it may be. But with the shift of orbits, I wonder if we will have any congruence.

To my bookworm, I find myself renewing certain beliefs about love through your eyes. Our mutual passion for the written word has often made me smile. I want to show you love and yet, I feel it fails in comparison to the one you have shown another. How can I compete with that? The answer is simple: I cannot.

To those who were hoping I would say what needed to be said but failed to find themselves among the number above, maybe next time.

Renewed and Resolved

2006-07-17T01:05:00.000+08:00

I began the weekend feeling like crap. There came several instances for me to step up and strut my stuff...but I either backed out or became indifferent. Worse, I felt I disappointed people who looked to me as a role model. I felt like I didn't desrve my position, that someone could do a better job than I.

But then my agents and I went to IO as our last hurrah before we all separated with the new schedule. And I marvelled how well I had brought them together. If grades were the only way to judge success, then I would have to agree with the premise that I am a mediocre supervisor. But I am thankful that it is not.

Yes, I've made mistakes. Our instinctual reaction is to quit, leave before we do anything worse. I even drafted a resignation letter just out of impulse. But as I wrote it, I realized that I would be setting a bad precedent. If I was going to quit, I wasn't going to do so on a low note. I was going to leave knowing that people would remember me not for my failures but for my successes. I wanted them to think of me fondly.

Now I feel renewed. Like anyone who has ever been sick of failure, I resolved to change not how I am work but how I am in life.

I've realized that I've always had opportunties to change and do better for myself.

I've realized that there are people who like me and love me.

I've realized that I don't deserve to be second best unless I settle for it.

Team Building

2006-07-10T00:14:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday, my boss Mike Montero treated us out to Dad's to celebrate our being the highest ranking shift in PS Manila. I had the dubious honor of arranging for it. We should have done it earlier except we wanted to make sure we had the most number of supervisors in the said event.

It felt weird having to tell them what to do (setting up the reservation, verifying how we would pay, telling them which colored plates to take, what food they could choose from...). I've always seen myself to be the most disorganized of the lot, doing things on the fly and not following my schedule.

We had a good time and a lot of good laughs. Mostly at my expense since I ate more than all of them. LOL It was good to get out of the office. I hope we can do it again soon.

Note: see the pics at the end of this blog too.

And, last Friday, I went out with my agents for a team building of our own. We ate, drank, talked, drank, laughed and drank some more. This had to be the most amount of alcohol I've consumed in one sitting in the last 5 years. We had tequila and vodka, mixed as margaritas and coffee and chocolate flavored mudslides. I didn't partake of the beer though.

I still don't like the taste of alcohol. Still, it was masked pretty well by the fact it was mixed with ice and condensed milk. The food, though simple, tasted great. It was fun to see my agents having fun. We don't get to do it too often at work.

Maybe we should do this more often.

Superman Returns

2006-07-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

I just came home after watching Superman Returns. I still can't get the theme song out of my head. John Williams sure made it easy to remember. But then, he's also the guy in charge of Star Wars soundtrack so it isn't really much of a surprise. The movie didn't make it hard for you to forget either. They played it everytime Superman did something heroic.

I feel like a kid again. Watching the movie, listening to the soundtrack...there's just something about the Man of Steel coming to your rescue that makes you think everything is going to all right.

Sure, he's not real. But it only makes you want him and what he stands for to be real. So much so that every little thing that we do out of simple kindness becomes...super.

"They can be a great people; they wish to be. They only lack the light to show them the way."

Mental note: There are scenes that were dragging. And it was highlighted by my need to pee after gulping a large amount of iced tea. Don't let it happen to you! LOL

Finally Kicking Habit

2006-06-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

After about weeks, we finally jump-started the Giovanning Chronicles once again. It was great to play Santiago again. And we finally wrapped up the storyline of the Sword of Nul. To give you some background, here's a summary of what took place previously:

Santiago de Saber was born in 1398, swordsman to a noble French lord. He was at the twilight of his years when he was Embraced by a vampire in 1444. Forced to fend for himself, he has since grown to prominence among the society of vampires known as the Camarilla.

During the course of hsi adventures, he acquired a sword that held the essence of a demon. Though it granted him power, Santiago found himself struggling to take control of his mind and body. But with the help of his coterie, he was able to relinquish the sword.

Or so we are led to believe.

I can't wait for the next installment of the game.

Failing my Wits + Expression Roll

2006-06-24T00:51:00.000+08:00

Aldwin: So who are you looking nice for?

Happy: Just someone.

Aldwin: Lucky guy.

Happy: Aww, that's sweet. You think he's lucky because I'm making myself look good for him.

Aldwin: Any guy would be lucky to have a girl who would make themselves look beautiful for them.

Chasing Amy

2006-06-11T17:38:00.000+08:00

Chasing Amy is a movie about love: what we think of it and how it stands up to real life. Often, we all have a set belief of what love is. Or rather, what it should be. Thus, we have an idea as to how the one we love should be. So what happens when that person turns your world upside down? Specifically, what if the person you fell in love with turns out to be gay?

The movie is one of the most profound and poignant romantic comedies I have ever watched. It examines love, virginity, homosexuality and friendship...without the stereotypes. Okay, maybe it does have stereotypes but the movie pokes fun at it like a kid poking roadkill with a stick.

You'd think that the most memorable scenes in a romantic comedy would be the funniest ones or the part where they confess their love. But in this movie, they turned out to be the ephiphanies - the scenes were the dialogue puts everything into perspective.

Here are some of the most memorable quotes:

Banky Edwards: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, OK? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, OK? Are you following?

Holden: Yeah.

Banky Edwards: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?

Holden: What is this supposed to prove?

Banky Edwards: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?

Holden: The man-hating dyke.

Banky Edwards: Good. Why?

Holden: I don't know.

Banky Edwards: Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!

Alyssa: You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you - it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.

Holden: Still am.

Alyssa: And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look. And for me that makes all the difference.

Silent Bob: [to Holden] So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy bullshit. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - ménage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic.

Jay: Saint Shithead.

[Silent Bob backhands him. Jay raises his fist as if to strike]

Silent Bob: Do something.

Silent Bob: [to Holden] So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I want to hurt her - because I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling. And I'm like "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and she's telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn't do anything wrong, so she's not gonna apologize. So I tell her it's over, and I walk.

Jay: Fucking-A.

Silent Bob: No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away...

[Silent Bob lights a cigarette]

Silent Bob: So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy...

[takes a drag from his smoke]

Silent Bob: So to speak.

I could give you a summary of the flick, but it would be pointless. I don't have what it takes to commit into this article the essence of the movie. So my suggestion is to watch it.

Now.

You heard me. Get off that chair and rent the movie. Buy it, borrow it, steal it if you have to. But watch this movie like your life (or maybe your love) depended on it.

Because it just might.

Like/Love Actually

2006-06-10T04:04:00.000+08:00

Is it possible to love someone without liking them? I've often pondered this question myself and found that the answer is...yes. But before we get to the details, why don't we define like and love.

Love - a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

Like - to find pleasant or attractive; enjoy.

Reading the definition above, one might say that the former is a more intense feeling than the latter. Love is like multiplied ten-fold, it seems. And one cannot love someone without liking them.

But I've realized that you don't always like someone you love. Parents and siblings, for example, are the perfect case study. You cannot help but love them and yet, you cannot stand their company at times. It may have something to do with the saying, "familiarity breeds contempt" but I believe it's more of "too much of a good thing."

Maybe that's why friendships seem to last longer than romance. Friends are there because they want to be, not because they need to be. And one does not make assumptions of the friendship that often lead to misunderstandings and jealousies.

Love Actually showcases the loves we often see but never really appreciate. It stars a group of England's most well-known actors and actresses such as Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Rowan Atkinson and many more. What makes this move so moving is that it does not just showcase romantic love but love in all it's forms...includings its complications.

Take for example, Laura Linney's character who finally gets the guy she wants but ends up letting go of it because of family duties. Or Liam Neeson, who plays a recently widowed stepfather who helps his son pursue the love of his life. Or what about Bill Nigh's portryal of an aging rockstar, confessing to his "big, fat manager" that he is the love of his life. The stories of the characters in this movie are so real and yet, so idealistic that it's hard to explain why aren't our lives (or is it, our loves) as well written or well thought out.

I found myself thinking that if I had been in Andrew Lincoln's place, I would have done the same thing. I would have gone out on a limb to tell her I loved her even if I knew there was no way of us ending up together.

Oh, wait, I already did that...

Just one more year to get that watch

2006-06-04T14:00:00.000+08:00

It's been 4 years since I started working for Peoplesupport. The anniversary came and went without anyone knowing except my batchmate. Milo will be sending an email to commemorate it. He always does, every year. Me, I don't really think we should make a big deal about it. But then, people should treasure these moments as they don't come around that often.

So what have I learned in my 4 years stay at PeopleSupport. Lots, really. I suspect that I would have learned them all eventually if I had worked at another company. Still, I shoudl count myself lucky that although I may not have the job I want, I'm better off than most people.

Speaking of which, I wonder where my other batchmates are. I still have some of them on Friendster. I admit, though, I've not kept in touch with them. Mainly because I've become complacent. They moved on to better things and that's kept them busy. I heard a few moved to the US and some got married and started families.

I wonder about my other agents too. Some of those that disappeared suddenly, but mostly those who said goodbye. I wonder if they are doing better; I think so as not a lot of them come back. I've wondered why I haven't left too, sometimes.

As silly a sit sounds, I wonder if they think of me and think of me fondly. Did they see me as a good supervisor or one who never gave a damn? It's good to know that the ones I still keep in touch with still think of me well. I guess I must be doing a good job, then.

Tomorrow, I'll be holding a meeting with my current group of agents. I'll be giving them updates and feedback like I always do. Sounds like a good way to start the week.

I'm rambling, aren't I? Not really how I pictured by 4th year anniversary article. But you get the idea, right?

The Last Stand

2006-05-31T20:12:00.000+08:00

I just watched the X-Men 3rd installment.

It was ok. Heh, I'm not a critic so I can't really say it more eloquently than that. But I'll do my best to expound on why I said it was "ok".

The main plot of the movie was a good choice. Like always, the X-Men franchise seeks to makes it's readers/viewers think about how something simple as a "cure" for mutation might be viewed with depredation. It's just a shame, however, that everything had to be squeezed in to a 2 hour movie; foregoing the characterization comics delve into to make everything mean something by the time the climax happens.

Ian McKellen reprises his role as Magneto. Although I've always seen this particular villain as robust, I am quite impressed with how the actor portrays him with such intensity. And his age somewhat enhances his menace.

Patrick Stewart plays Professor X with almost the same intensity. The reason I say so is because he gets killed off half-way into the movie. Thus, limiting what could have been a great role. I also found his I-don't-have-anything-to-explain-to-you very realistic and human. I've always pictured him to be upstanding and honorable. What I didn't know was how his choices showed his integrity and strength.

I have never been certain Hugh Jackman was the right choice for Wolverine. Namely because he's too...good-looking for the role. I am glad, however, that they made him more true to the comic book character by turning him into a fighter who isn't afraid to sink his claws into his enemies.

Halle Berry as Storm acted more of a mirror for Wolverine's I-don't-give-damn attitude; she was the clear-headed one in the team with Cyclops unable to perform the duties of a team leader. But her role seemed unnecessary as everyone was working together. Her reaction to the cure was...lacking in depth. I didn't feel there was any reason for her to get too upset over it.

Famke Janssen who plays Jean Grey/Phoenix ended up staring weirdly and crying most of the time. They could have given her more dialogue but the Dark Phoenix storyline was just a side plot. Which is a shame as they could have used it to further exemplify why the cure is so important.

We also see some other familiar faces such as Iceman, Rogue, Colossus and Shadow Cat. Of the young X-men, Kitty Pride grabbed my attention. Not because she was cute (hehehe!), but because her performance was unexpectedly refreshing. I wonder if they'll make a movie with her in the starring role.

So what did I get from watching the movie? I found the younger versions of Magneto and Professor X quite amusing; they managed to hide all those wrinkles well. I feel the death of Cyclops and Proefessor X was unfair and yet quite apt, since comics tend to make it seem plausible for anyone rise from the dead. Overall, it was a good cure for a boring day off as not only did I enjoy the movie, it got me to write this blog article.

Due for a Nervous Breakdown

2006-05-31T03:06:00.000+08:00

I was on my home the other day when I realized how unstable I've become. I think I'm due for an explosion. Figuratively, speaking of course. It's just that I've felt like a ticking time-bomb waiting to happen. That morning, I shouted at a bus driver when he didn't stop at the corner and brought me across the street some distance away. Okay, maybe I didn't shout at him. I may have raised my voice and made a snide comment without looking. But that's not like me.

I've been worried about how angry I can become lately. I don't show any visible signs, certainly not outbursts like the one I mentioned above. But I find it disconcerting that I feel so easily triggered now by people's stupidity. I can imagine myself beating the shit out of people for the slightest provocation and feeling good about it. I'm trying to remember if this has happened before. It has, I'm sure of it. I can remember the feeling leading up to the explosion but not what happened in the explosion itself.

Maybe I shouldn't be carrying that bottle of mace...

Fiction, fiction, fiction!

2006-05-16T01:48:00.000+08:00

I've seen the movie...so what's the big fuss? Almost every conservative group is all but heralding the end of the world with this movie. I enjoyed the 2 hours and 20 minutes I sat in the air-conditioned darkness with my mother and brother. It was well worth the P110 I shelled out for each of us. Neither of them felt their faith in God waiver, just the one in their fellow movie-goers for not getting the plot hooks and ideas quickly enough.

I really hate the idea there are some groups out there who think it is in their best interest to judge what I can or cannot watch. They act as if they know me and what's good for me. I also find it amusing how these same groups say that the common man won't fall for Dan Brown's heretical theories but "we don't want the movie shown because it might give the wrong impression."

Ha! To me, if your faith is that easily shaken, then you may be better off losing it there instead of on Judgement Day. And if you manage to renew it because of the movie, good for you.

It's not that hard to imagine men (not the Church, mind you) of performing the acts Dan Brown mentioned in his story. The Church may have been ordained by Christ, but it is still earthly institution ruled over by human beings. And human beings can be just as cruel as they are are generous, especially if they believe that they are doing God's will. If you don't believe me, you may want to do your research on something called the Inquisition.

The church is not perfect. It knows this because at every mass, the priest is heard to say these simple words:

"Look not on our sins, but on the faith of your Church."

Because if God did the opposite, I think we would all be looking something worse than getting sunburns and sunstrokes.

Baguio 2006

2006-05-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

I know, I know, I owe you an update. I've been putting it off for the reasons I stated below; laziness and exhaustion is a bad combination. Also, somethings happened that I can't really talk about. I know that a blog is supposed to be a way for me to let people know what's going on in my life. But the fact is, there are somethings I won't talk about. And no, not everything that's happened to me is...unfortunate. Let's just say I don't kiss and tell.

But my recent trip to Baguio has given me an opportunity to jumpstart this blog once again. Yep, I have finally gone back to Baguio after 23(?) years. I stayed away from excursions for the simplest reason that they were too much trouble. But I didn't have a choice this time around as my dad came home from the US to spend time with us.

We left in the morning of April 28 on a Toyota Altis from Budget. We decided to rent a car as we didn't think our Honda City would be able to handle the steep climb.

It proved to be a mixed blessing. Normally, you would take a bus to Baguio. To go around, you'd need to ride a taxi or take long walks between sites. Which would have taken too long and too much effort. Not to mention expensive. So it was a good thing we decided to go there with our own car.

Trouble was, Baguio has gotten pretty crowded as of late. I don't know if it was the days we decided to go there or just me, but the place was packed! People and cars were everywhere! If it wasn't for the foggy weather and cool climate, I'd have thought I was in Quiapo!

Which is a shame, really. To think of this place no different from dirty and crowded streets of one of Manila's oldest districts is kind of harsh but that's the impression I got as I travelled from tourist site to tourist site. One of our first stop was Baguio Cathedral.

It was a hard climb from Session Road. It took a while for us to reach the church which was about sixty steps up. That's another thing you'll notice about Baguio. Every site you go to seems to have a stairway attached to it. After the first day, I felt my feet ache and my calf muscles bulge. Good exercise but I could do without the palpitation.

Our next stop was Burnham Park. One thing I will say is that this park is well-used. Everyone in Baguio must have gone through here at least once. Either to sit on the grass, ride a bike or take a boat on the lake. I walked around it and was glad to note that the plants were thriving.

There were a lot of flowers which I took pictures of. I'm hoping to assemble a photo essay/album of sorts. I'll let you know when that's finished. In any case, if there is one thing I can say about Baguio, tis that it has the best collection of flowers in this country.

I can't really say what turned Baguio into what it is now. My brother says it's because it has become "too accessible." Since anyone who owns a relatively good vehicle can travel to Baguio, just about everyone comes here. SO not only must you contend with crowds, there's the possibility of choking on air pollution.

I guess if I had to point to one culprit, it would be this one:

I don't think Baguio has ever been the same since they erected an SM Mall at the top of Session Road. To me, this is one building that the city could use without. I suppose it's unfair for me say so as malls often make it very convenient for people to get what they want.

I've noticed that the Starbucks epidemic has infected nearly all the fast food chains; there's at least another outlet within a stone's throw away. Sheesh!

We visited some rather unique sites such as the Mansion, which serves as the President's vacation retreat and guest house. It's too bad we couldn't go inside. We just stuck around the front of it and took some pictures.

In front of the Mansion was Wright Park. Like Burnham, there were a lot of people and just about as many vendors who sold anything from plants to "samurai swords." One vendor even tried to pass it off as the "number one souvenir of Baguio." Yeah, right, and I'm the King of France. Did I tell you that it had a flashlight attached to it's hilt?

We also visited Cap John Hay. No, you read that right. CAP John Hay, not CAMP John Hay. Why they took out the M, I do not know. But that's how it was advertised in the posters around the place. What Cap is supposed to mean is beyond me either. I suppose they want to distinguish it from what it was before - a US base and golf resort.

We visited this place a total of 4 times. Namely because we never really knew what was inside of it until we went around exploring. Other than the gold course, the place has a Commisary. Here, there were several different restaurants. It's a shame we didn't get to try all of them. But one that we frequented (twice) was the Mile Hi Diner. It's a little pricey if you're on a tight budget but the food is good and the helpings are bigger than what you'd expect.

My friend Andre recommended we visit the Pet Semetary. It was actually a Negativism Cemetery. Interred within were all the negative thoughts that have plagued man. It was...ok. The idea behind it was actually pretty good. I still don't think it was worth the thirty pesos entrance fee.

There was also the Bell House, a museum dedicated to the man who oversaw camp John Hay for a time. It's an old house with old furnishings. You could pretty much smell the musk.

I went from room to room taking pictures. It wasn't really because I was interested in what "life" was like back in the 1930s. I was more interested in finding spooks captured in the shots. No such luck though. To be honest, the place felt...empty. As if no ghost thought of it as worth haunting. Oh, well.

Most sites in Baguio can be divided into two types: religious or historical. Our next stop was the former. The Grotto of Lourdes, constructed and maintained by Jesuits, had a stairway of around 150 steps. People would climb it as a pilgrimage and pray to Mary at the top. I took it in a slow pace, resting at each platform before moving on to the next one.

We also went to PMA. Unfortunately, there was no parade that day so we just wandered around the place. We took pictures of the relics on display as the exhibits and buildings. One thing I can say about the military is their commitment to maintaining order. I'm glad to see that the grounds were clean and free of trash. I can only hope the rest of Baguio was the same.

Our last stop was La Trinidad Valley. A friend of mine recommended we go strwberry picking. The unfortunate part was that we didn't find the strawberry field itself. Also, we were informed that the fields had already been picked clean. Ah, well. At least we were able to buy fresh vegetables and strawberry wine.

And that's how our 4-day trip went. If I sound disappointed, I'm not. I'm glad I was able to make this trip and see the sites. More importantly, I was able to do it with my whole family. I have my father to thank for that.

I hope you enjoyed this small trip through Baguio with me.

For February...For Now.

2006-02-25T16:32:00.000+08:00

This blog hasn't seen much entries in a long time. I've been putting it off because of work and laziness. After all, this really isn't in my list of priorities. This is more of a...release. And to be frank, I haven't had any opportunities of that in a while.

But I shoudl have something put up in March. February has been a busy month for me. With everything that's happened, well, I don't think writing about it could tell you everything that I'm thinking and feeling.

So for now, this is just a place-holder to let you know that I will fill this up with things that have been happening in my life. Not that anyone gives a whit. LOL But if some stranger manages to pass by and like what she sees, well, maybe it was a good idea to take the chance and let it all hang out.

Talk to you later. Gotta get a haircut.

Christmas and New Year Article

2006-01-03T05:48:00.000+08:00

I'm too old to believe in miracles. For me, Christmas and New Year has become just another day. Sure, there's the trips, the presents, and the food but I don't feel I really enjoy it that much. At least, not as much when I was a kid. As if to drive the point home, I was struck with a fever and the flu. I was pretty miserable, to tell you the truth.

But every so often, I am surprised that people care about me. Sure, I didn't get any expensive gifts but it's the thought that counts, right? The fact they would take the time and spend the money to get me something goes along way. I once bought and expensive bouquet of flowers for someone who treated me to an accessory worth P25. Sounds too much, right? But I wanted to repay the kindness she did for me.

Anyway, it does my heart good to know that people think well of me. Even though I am just doing my job, knowing that people are touched by what I do makes me happy to be alive. I may not believe in miracles, but I do believe in kindness. And it should be rewarded.

It's supposed to be the New Year but I don't feel as if I am beginning anew. In fact, I feel as if I was in the middle of things that may be resolved this year. December was a pretty busy month for me. Not for work but for personal stuff. I might have taken the first step to a journey that I should have taken 8 years ago. Perhaps now, I'll find out what I've been missing.

2005-12-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

I didn't mean to make you cry.

But I'm glad I made you smile through the tears.

I just wanted to let you know I love you.

Christmas Party

2005-12-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

I hadn't attended the Christmas Party of PeopleSupport since I joined the company 3 years ago. Mainly it was because I was at work. I didn't really see it as a loss as I am not thrilled with large crowds.

This year though, I came and went. Didn't really participate in the contests or watch the program. It's funny but the reasons for my attendance were...outside of the company. LOL I just thought it would be fun to share a night with a special person. If you look at the picture, you'll understand why.

By the way, the post-party was much better. ;)

Siglo: Passions - The Book Launching

2005-12-12T01:55:00.000+08:00

I went to the booklaunching of Siglo: Passions at fully booked in Greenhills as Tobie was one of the contirbutors of the said collection.

It's too bad that I wasn't able to explore the entire store as I was moving here and there to convince Tobie to get the signatures of the other authors for my copy. Tito Lito, Tobie's father, hoarded several books. I guess he was planning on waiting for it to be a collector's item by having his son sign it.

I was surprised to see Yonina there. She's very slim now. I guess working without sleep does that to you. LOL I also saw Jac who I had almost failed to recognize as she wasn't wearing a bikini.

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Sometimes

2005-12-12T01:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, all we need is someone to tell us that everything will be all right. And when they do, we realize that there is reason to smile after all.

Miro and Iris' Wedding

2005-12-12T00:26:00.000+08:00

I went to the wedding of my good friends Miro and Iris who became man and wife Sunday, November 27. It was a small ceremony with few people. If I were to get married, I would want something as small as that.

The cermony took place at San Bernardino Church in Manila. Not knowing where that was, I offered to pick up my friends Yvette and Nikki. You heard me. I picked them up. Which means that I brought a car with me. LOL This is probably the first time I was allowed to drive all the way there by myself.

Needless to say, I pretty much bad-mouthed every driver a came across. Even the barong I wore didn't make me feel I should act courtesly. Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but think I was a polictician. A bad one, at that. LOL

Seeing Iris on that day was...breath-taking. Here was the girl who I usually saw wearing pants and a shirt and kept her hair just comberd transformed into a stunning woman in a white gown, make-up and curls. Talk about make over! If Iw as lucky, I would feel a hundred times like that on my wedding day.

We had about two hours to kill as the reception was being held at the other side of Metro Manila in Quezon City. We hung out at the Podium in the meantime. It didn't feel wierd to go around in a polo barong.

The food was great and the program was entertaining. In throwing the bouquet, they did it flower after flower. The one who didn't catch a flower ended up being it. The garter was passed around while the music played and I managed to avoid getting it as I had not taken it from the Iris' brother. Hehehe!

My Eyes are Burning...but I can't Stop Laughing

2005-11-13T22:37:00.000+08:00

I got this blog address via email. People at work were passing it around to let them know what he was saying about people who worked at call centers. I was curious to know so I visited the site. And after reading the first few words of his latest post, I felt...unclean. Like I wanted to douse my eyes in alcohol.

Afterwards, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Seriously, the contents of the blog just made me realize I may have found the only person in the world I would love to drag out into the street and shot. And it wasn't because he was talking about me or my kind (i.e contact center employees). No, this was just his rant about how people were reading his blog and left insulting comments.

What the fuck?! Dude, you do NOT post an online weblog if you don't want people to read and leave comments about it. It doesn't take a genius to know that. And for God's sake, get an education and learn to write wholly in one language! It's embarassing!

So if you want a good laugh or your just wondering what I'm talking about, click here.

This isn't Goodbye

2005-10-31T00:00:00.000+08:00

November is a new month and I've been assigned a new team. My previous direct reports have moved on to other supervisors. I'm glad to say that some of them have moved higher too. Marvin is now an OIC. Averill and Kyke will be training for CSA. Aldrin, Angelo, Cathy, Dimples, DJ, Godofredo, Maan, Randell, Rhodel and Shyr, hope to see you around. I wish you good luck in their future endeavors.

As for my current team, I hope you survive the experience. You've got a reputation to live up to. Hehehe!

Sick at Home

2005-10-04T20:00:00.000+08:00

I begged off work today. I wasn't feeling well when I woke up so I decided to call in sick. So here I am typing away and updating my blog. I'd like to apologize to my readers (few as you are) for not updating for such a long time. I've come to appoint in my life wherein I must set priorities and, unfortunately, blog-writing is the least of them.

I am amazed at how people find the time to update theirs in an almost daily basis. I would think that they have a lot of spare time on their hands but if that were the case, they wouldn't be writing anything new. I suppose, then, that it is higher up among their list of priorities than mine.

There is a saying I encountered in college that went something like: In college, you can do 3 things - sleep, study and party - but you will only have time to do 2. The choices I made were sleep and study. LOL

So what's happened to me lately? Read below.

Live by the Sword

2005-10-01T18:00:00.000+08:00

On Saturday, we played the Giovanni Chronicles, moving forward to the convention of Thorns. What's that you say? What's the Convention of Thorns? Without going through too many details, the Convention is meeting of vampires, called Kindred, to discuss certain issues that affect their kind. Namely, the Anarch Revolt.

Anarchs are young, inexperienced vampires who are attempting to throw off the tyranny of the Elders, old and powerful Kindred, who are desparate to maintain the status quo. In the middle of this is Santiago, a swordsman Embraced at the twiligth of his years. Although in essence, Santiago is young in terms of how long he has been a vampire, he is considered by the Anarchs as an elder because of the power in his blood.

Throughout the session, we were treated to discussions with famous Kindred who were choosing sides in the conflict. But the most profound discussion (at least for myself as a player) was when Santiago confronted a nameless Anarch who had accused him of murdering his friend.

Santiago, who sees himself as honorable and fair, fighting for the rights of all Kindred, nearly lost it when the Anarch started accusing him of supoprting the Elders tyranny. In the blink of an eye, he was inches from the fledgelings face, his fangs extended. Instead of attacking, Santiago rebuked him.

"I have lived by the sword and I will die by it. Your friend should have known that as soon as he wielded his blade against me. If you cannot accept that, then you have no business being here."

The Anrach, unable to return a smart remark, left.

Breakfast at Dencio's

2005-09-30T09:34:00.000+08:00

On Friday morning, I enjoyed breakfast with my team at Dencio's. I wanted to thank my agents for their performance this September by treating them to a delicious meal of garlic rice, sisig and inihaw.

We talked until the late hours of the morning about our job. Not business, mind you, but the effects of our work on our impressionable young minds. An example would be delivering the greeting when we answer the phone at home. Or waking up screaming that we're late only to realize later that we were on our day off.

Below are some pictures of the event.

(from left to right: Eliza and Cathy)

(from left to right: Kyke, Averill and Dimples)

(from left to right: Aldrin and Marvin)

Cutting Ties

2005-09-29T13:09:00.000+08:00

An old friend has decided to cut ties with me. I should be sad about the turn of events, but I'm not. Partly because our friendship has lessened to such a degree that we hardly talk anymore. I admit that this has been mostly my fault. Work has kept me busy; I'm unable to find time to write a email, even though I sit in front of a computer at work for most of the day.

I don't have that many friends. I've lost a few over the years, mainly because we've grown apart - literally and figuratively speaking. It's hard to maintain friendships with someone you seldom see in person or whose interest have become different from yours. But even then, I still have more than I've lost.

Whereas most friendships fade over time, she felt it necessary to let me know that were weren't friends anymore. That's something I could not understand. I have always felt that friendship was an easy-going relationship; I mean, how often do you hear people ask you, "So, are we friends?" in the same manner they ask if you are lovers?

To ask for commitment changes that friendship to something else entirely. So maybe it is for the best.

Gargaz the Blood-drinker

2005-09-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

Not really a nice name for someone who is supposedly a cleric for good. But then, that is just one of the many ironies of the game "Desparate Souls", a one-shot d20 game TROPA played last Saturday.

I can tell you right now that I dislike d20. It has too many complications compared to White Wolf's d10. Other than many calculations for skills,damage,armor, etc., I also found the alignment very constricting. I prefer WW's method of nature and demeanor. Which is why I usually avoid games that are based on the d20 rules.

The character sheet was pre-generated so that saved us a lot of time. And TObie was kind enough to provide notes. I sort of felt like an actor in a play or movie. Gargaz appealed to me because of his "history". Here's a simple-minded half-orc trying to save a world that fears and hates him. Sounds a lot like the X-Men, huh?

Of all the characters, Gargaz came off as the most enjoyable to play. Tobie suggested I speak in-game like Peon in WarCraft. Think of Yoda with an IQ of 80. Now, imagine a 6-foot 7-inch mass of muscle with gray skin, scraggly hair, sharp teeth and nails, telling you he can make it feel all better. Not too convincing is he?

But this is exactly what makes him stand out. One of his many ironies is his nature and appearance. Another would be his status as a chosen cleric of good while being considered one of the evil races. How is it possible, you ask? No one knows really. But it cannot be denied that Gargaz is special.

The game's plot revolves around the city of Bastion which sits in the pass that divides the continent between north and south. It is being held by the Alliance - composed of the good races (humans, elves, and dwarves). The Lichking's armies cannot move north unless the go through the pass. And the heroes are assembling there for their last stand. Kind of like Helmsdeep in Lord of the Rings.

How did it turn out? I don't know. I had to leave to go home and get ready for work. But this game was one of the few d20s I enjoyed because of the character.

Working Too Hard

2005-09-07T23:52:00.000+08:00

Here I am again, writing another rant about work. I usually do this once a month to get things off my chest. Customer service has got to be the hardest job in the world. No wonder we get the higher paychecks!

It's official, I have been working too hard. Either that or I've been pushing myself too much. Even my co-supervisors are agreeing with one another. I don't know if I'm really working too hard or just taking on too much responsibility. The former means that I don't settle for anything less than perfection. The latter suggests I don't settle with just doing what I should be doing.

For example, I got suckered in to leading a project at work. I can't get into details but let's just say it wasn't something I needed to do. But I ended up doing it to help out. I'd like to think it was I was one of the best choices for the job...Iw ouldn't be so arrogant as to claim that I was the only one who could do it.

Anyway, I did it and it's done and everyone is happy...except me. I ended up being sick. I wasn't feeling well when I woke up yesterday and work seems to have made it worse. So I decided to take a leave for 3 days but I'll be gone for 5 because my day off is in-between. I just know I'm going to regret coming back to work on Monday.

That's one of the things you can't do when you're part of management; you can't take off just like that and expect everything to be fine and dandy when you report for work. LEaving for 5 days means I've got a shit load of stuff to do to catch up. *sigh* Even a vacation isn't a vacation if your worried about comign back to reality.

Legal Sin

2005-09-06T08:55:00.000+08:00

The newspapers are accusing the administration of paying off the Church thru donations of Pagcor for not supporting the call for GMA's resignation. A bishop says there is nothing wrong with accepting money from legal gambling...

Sorry, your Execellency, but I beg to disagree. Gambling, whether legal or illegal, is still a sin. To benefit from a sin is worse than commiting the sin yourself.

My mother asked me what my opinion was and I told her this:

"Think of it this way: The Church says taking the life of a human being is a sin, unless it is in self-defense. It is legal for this country to execute a man for severe crimes. Does that make it right to kill man?".

All Over Again

2005-09-05T07:33:00.000+08:00

As I came home work, humming the tune "I wish I could go back to college" from the Avenue Q OST, I began to wonder what it would be like to wake up one day and find myself going to college again but remembering what had happened in those 9 years that had passed.

At first I was excited at the prospect of going through it all over again knowing what I know now. I would take advantage of the opportunities I missed and avoid the mistakes I made. I'd go o out with my batchmates and get to know them more, drop Math 17 and 53 before I failed it, write the novel I've always thought of writing...

But then then I began to think about a lot of serious other questions: Should I change my major sooner to Library Science instead of Computer Science since the former was what I finished not the latter I chose? Would I have stopped the murder of a student knowing I might get in the crossfire? Would I have pursued the girl of my dreams instead of letting her go so easily? Would I have used what I know about my friends to find those I have grown close with sooner and never bothered to spend time with those who would have hurt me?

I got tired thinking about it. It just seemed so much work that I'm glad I won't have to worry about it. I just didn't have the strength to live through it all over again..

Driving in the City (Redux)

2005-08-30T07:38:00.000+08:00

For the first time, I went driving in Makati without my mom or my brother in tow. Well, actually, this is the second time. The first time was when I treated my friends to Friday's in Makati. I didn't tell my mom that Iw as taking the car there. She assumed that I was taking it to Ayala Alabang which I usually do anyway.

This time around, I went to Kamuning in Quezon City. Sam was with me (on both counts). Namely because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't by myself. Good thing too because it was pouring that afternoon. Of course, I could have done without his impression of how he would react if Geoff were sitting beside him. I hadn't realized there were so many billboards along EDSA that had his picture.

On this second sojourn, we went to the Open Meet of AEGIS. I hadn't been one before. It went fine but I was alseep through most of it. I hadn't had much sleep that morning and I ate a late but heavy lunch. I was able to join in a game at the end but we had to cut it short because it was supposed to end by 12am.

On the ride back, with the gang in tow, we dropped off Isha at Starbucks in Metrowalk and proceeded to Tahanan to have the game. My passengers passed the time by inventing words like "chavak" (which means chubby na bakla) and charaight (which means chubby na straight). Damn! I wonder if this is how all those gay lingo came about.

It was a thrill driving along Edsa and South Super Highway. I hope to do it again soon.

Garden Gallery

2005-08-11T02:59:00.000+08:00

Time Off Work

2005-08-11T02:35:00.000+08:00

I decided to take some time off work. I needed the rest. I spent most of it sleeping, though. Afterwards, I treated my mom and my brother to Starbucks for some coffee, tea and pastry. The aftermath you can see below.

I bought the bread from Breadtalk, my favorite pastry shop. Their Floss is delicious. You should try it. The place seems to be of Singaporean or Japanese origin. The place has an air of sophistication. It reminds me of how people thought the future would be in the 1970s: clean, white and orderly. Their selection is a bit pricey, but varied and unique.

I would put a picture of their pastries here but no cameras were allowed inside. Go figure.

Mean People

2005-08-06T01:01:00.000+08:00

Bored one night, I was browsing the profiles of people on Friendster. For those of you living under a rock, Friendster is this website where you can create a profile for yourself where you can meet people thru friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends and so on. Of course it has evolved since then to include resumes, classified ads, etc. It's also got a whole slew of competitors who have jumped in on the bandwagon to prove the "small world" phenomenon is true.

Being the self-confessed freak that I am with nothing to do, I made a search for people who had interests in sex. Needless to say, there were a lot. So I narrowed it down to women in the Philippines. There were more than a thousand entries so I filtered it some more to include those with pictures. I managed to narrow it down to 24 pages with about 10 entries per page. So that gives us 240 people.

But you know what's disturbing? It's not the fact there are women here outright advertising for sex. It's the fact about 80% of this is slander. As I read thru the profiles, I realized that the people featured there aren't the ones who set it up. They're inconsistent and they don't match the profile. At some point, they would refer to themselves in the 3rd person. That may just be a grammar problem but it makes one wonder.

I mean, wouldn't you be discreet about it? Or at the very least, tasteful about what you put in there. For example, I've never seen the lesbian and bi women there refer to themselves as sluts or nymphos. It's obvious that people who would refer to themselves as one or the other are disturbed or painfully honest.

That I do think is that these people are the victims of other people who have it in for them. A jealous lover or broken-hearted ex or sociopathic rival. To go this far to work out your frustrations is really disturbing. Is it too much to ask that they work it out more positively? I guess so, considering the number there.

Burnt Out Again!

2005-07-30T05:10:00.000+08:00

I will apologize in advance for 2 things: the fact I haven't updated in a while and that the updates aren't as well written as I thought they would be. These past few days have been very hard on me. Things have been piling up at work. I know I should be more organized to help lessen the stress and to get things done but I am so tired.

I'd rather not rant about what is happening at work. I do not want my co-workers reading it by some off chance. Also, I'd be violating some security protocol that I myself need to enforce. So let's leave at that, shall we?

I do have some good news: I am now officially a supervisor. My hard work (?) has finally paid off. But honestly, I don't feel like I made any effort to pass. Id id only what I thought I needed to do. That doesn't mean, however, that I am finsihing all that needs to be done. Which begs the question, will I fuck up this time around?

The other bit of good news is that I will still be able to play RPG with my friends. Our new schedule was just announced and I was able to retain my current one. I may be able to keep some of my current agents too. Here's hoping that the bad apples get thrown out and the good apples stay with in the barrel.

A Night Out at IO

2005-07-29T00:53:00.000+08:00

People who have known me since college know that I don't go out that often. In fact, I would rather spend time at home reading a book or working on my blog. They'd be surprised to know that now that I'm working, I go out every weekend. Whether it's to spend time with my friends or just eat good food.

One such occassion was for me and my team from work to go out and have a night of fun at a KTV restaurant. We went to IO, the same place my previous team had gone last March. Although my team then was large (a total of 13) only six were able to go. We had fun and I was glad to be able to belt out some tunes. It's a shame that this was our one and only time to get out. But then, I think I should this with my future teams, maybe more than just once.

One funny thign I noted is that my voice shound horrible in a recording! Hahaha! You should hear it. It's nasty!

The Ultimate Sacrifice

2005-07-09T02:09:00.000+08:00

I have kept silent regarding the recent developments in Philippine politics because I felt that my views would fall on deaf ears. But after speaking to two of my friends, I realized that I should let my stand be known. Few people will know of it. In fact, I know of only several who read my blog regularly. But I realized that if I did not express my beliefs, I would be counting myself among those who have become passively indifferent to our country's welfare.

This is not a statement of fact but of personal opinion. What you read here is the truth - my truth. I do not presume to know all that there is but what I do know, I feel is enough. Perhaps, in time, it will change. Until then, this is what I know to be right.

President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo should not resign for the good of the country.

Why? Because our country's politics is in a rut that no matter who leads the nation, our choices for leaders are limited to a few that can hardly be called credible, much less effective. But I would rather have someone who knows what she's doing, than someone who doesn't know squat about running a government.

Admit it, the possible alternatives are worse. Noli de Castro and Susan Roces would both be firgureheads of their respective factions. Since they know very little about running a country, they'll be asking for help from their friends and colleagues who would use this to their advantage.

The Opposition would never let another Adminsitration lackey sit in Malacañang. but who would they choose from their own ranks? They are so divided that no one is willing to give any quarter to their allies. The only thing they have been able to agree upon is the face of the Opposition: Susan Roces.

What could be more appealing to the masa than the grieving widow of their idol? Who else could be influenced more easily due to her inexperience?

Regardless of what they say, the people demonstrating on TV do not represent "the will of the people".

It's funny how people suddenly become psychic and act as though they represent the majority of Filipinos. They don't. These "noisemakers" and "professional rallyists" represent a fraction of our country's population. As I look at them through the tv screen, I noticed how few of them are similar to me. Call me elitist but these people look as if they've never had a job in their lives!

The Opposition politicians are using them as "evidence" of people's disconent. I suspect that those who are not affiliated with any serious political groups are being paid to show up. The rest (those that are affiliated with political groups) are doing their SOPs. I wonder if they realize that 4 years ago, they were on opposite sides of the issue. (Pare, di ba yang KM* ang nag-rally sa EDSA Dos laban kay Erap?)

Provided that GMA does not resign, this will be another bump in the road.

The reason this demonstration is bound to fail is because "the Silent Few" are not present at these rallies. The Silent Few are you and me: people who pay their taxes and can't afford to go marching at the streets at the whim of those in power. We have responsibilities and obligations that cannot be ignored because of one person's "lapse in judgement".

This is why "professional rallyists" and "noisemakers" are the only ones you see on the streets. They don't have jobs other than to make a spectacle of themselves in front of the camera. They're handsomely paid to show up, wave their flags, chant catchy jingles, and disperse by the end of the day. Unfortunately, they don't get paid overtime and night differential.

True, I may be generalizing and lumping the good with the bad. But it wasn't until recently that I realized that most of these groups could only complain and whine about the current leadership's inability to meet their demands. Demands that, taken into consideration, are impossible to meet. Other than marching on the streets, do you know of anything else they do?

Susan Roces is a fool.

So was her husband. I mean that with all due respect. The Opposition is not their friend. They are not looking out for the welfare of the people. If they were, they would be finding other ways to change leadership that didn't hurt the country as a whole.

If this were a movie, it wouldn't surprise me to know that Fernando Poe Jr. was actually poisoned. They needed someone to die for their cause. Why not Da King himself? And who better to continue the fight than her grieving widow? It worked the first time, right? But they'd martyr her just like they did her husband. They'd set her up as a figurehead and let her get meshed in burueacratic hell. She'd get all the blame for our country's woes while they make themselves rich.

Political parties are based on trends, not ideals.

The US has two main parties, Republican and Democrat. They are different ends of the spectrum, each having different methods of reaching the same goals. Though different, they are two sides of the same coin. In the Philippines, a party's stance is dependent on the whim of it's leadership. No wonder there's so much fence-jumping.

Resignation is not the answer.

Several groups are asking for GMA's resignation. Everyone from businessmen to faculties and labor groups are making their opinions known. They ask her to make "the Ultimate Sacrifice" but are unwilling to do the same. What right do they have to ask her of this, then?

Our country, it seems, is built on short-term solutions. We prefer quick-fixes than long-term solutions. We abhor the long road and would rather take a shortcut. GMA's removal from office will not solve our country's problems but only satisfy a select few.

The Ultimate Sacrifice is not resignation but cooperation. To put our differences, our hatreds, our personal interests aside in order to make this country great would be the Filipinos' Ultimate Sacrifice. I have no love for GMA but at least she has a plan that's sound. That's more than I can say for the Opposition.

If she has cheated or commited any crime, it would be our best interest as a country to find out for sure by established means. Assumptions, speculations, and insinuations do not a guilty verdict make.

Happy Birthday, Ging!

2005-07-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to my dear fring, Ging! She turns 18 (again) this year. LOL Isn't she a cutie? Here's hoping she gets what's she's been missing all this time!

Batman Begins...Again?

2005-06-18T02:27:00.000+08:00

I watched "Batman Begins" with Sam and Ina. It was a good movie. I wish they had started the whole franchise with this rather than the previous ones. Even the original movie with Michael Keaton comes short of the movie directed by Chris Nolan.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2005-06-17T05:08:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to best mom anyone can ask for! I'm glad she and I share the same tastes in food. Hehehe! We ate at a Japanese Restaurant and ordered our usual favorites: teppanyaki beef, tonkatsu bento, miso soup and tempura. And of course, what Japanese meal would be complete without sushi and wasabe. I think I put a little too much of the latter because my nose was dripping right after eating the former.

Better/Off

2005-06-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

How do you react when your boss tells you (as a supervisor trainee) are more visibly doing your job that those who are already supervisors?

At first, I thought she was joking. Then, I suspected she was just flattering me and saying that to other supervisors she was talking too so that they would feel inspired to do more. And when I began to think about it more, I realized that she was right. After all, they were already secure with their jobs; I wasn't.

I've never really believed I was better than anyone else. I don't like comparing myself to others but that's really hard to do living with 70 billion people in the world. From the moment I was born until the day I was promoted to supervisor trainee, it's been re-affirmed time and time again. I am different; I am better. Not everyone but most people.

Maybe it's the experiences that I've had or the opportunities I've been given, but I know I'm not like most people. Whether it's the fact I speak English well or the kind of friends I have or my preference in food, I am different. I don't mean to be elitist; I don't mean to separate myself from the masses. Heck, I like to believe I'm normal, that I can fade into the hundreds of faces in a crowded street. But I can't help but realize that I'm apart from it.

I am not like the other people who toil 9 to 5 for a salary that barely meets my needs. I am not an avid watcher of soap operas. I do not eat adobo or sinigang or galungong on a regular basis. I have friends who are single and are looking to find love when most people our age are already married and having people.

And with this realization comes the questions: What have I been doing in my life? Why haven't I taken advatage of my opportunities? Where will I be 10, 20 years from now?

Sadly, the answer is I don't know. I feel guilty that I'm not living up to my full potential. I also don't know what that is. A politician? A businessman? A teacher? All I know is I'm supposed to be better than this. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I guess I'll find out soon.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

2005-06-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

We just watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith which turned out to be a good movie. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie look great together although I found that there was no chemistry between them. They were more like friends than anything else.

Angelina was sensual in this movie. More sensual in the film "Original Sin" with Antonio Banderas. I guess those pouting lips and chubbiness helped push her away from the "drug addict" image I've had of her. Unfortunately, her facial expression doesn't really seem to convey sadness very well.

But over all, it was a good movie. It may not win any Academy Awards but it's something to do when you're bored with nothing to do.

My Day Off

2005-06-11T03:34:00.000+08:00

It's my day off today. I feel kind of disappointed that it's only for two days. I wish I could have more but I know that even then I would feel as if it weren't enough. I have a lot of things I could do but I haven't been able to get myself to do it. I think it's just the laziness in me.

My brother celebrated his birthday last June 9; he turned 25. As in the previous year, he decided to lie low and not make a big deal out of it. I still haven't gotten him a present. He's always complaining about the fact he doesn't get any surprises. Usually because we always give him money or let him choose what he wants then we but it for him.

As his brother, you'd think I'd know what he would like. I do but they are either too expensive or detrimental to his health. I could buy him a new lighter, a pack of cigarettes or a bottle of liquor. But I don't want to encourage his vices.

Tobie is coming home from the US. After 4 weeks of touring the West Coast, visiting relatives and participating at a Con, he's finally coming back. Tis time to game on! Have safe trip back, my friend.

It's my day off but I can't stop thinking about work. Before I left the office, I was acting like a total idiot, dancing around, singing and harassing my agents. I guess I was just too happy about it being nmy day off. Now that I'm at home, I'm pretty much trying to decide if I should work on my unofficial assigment.

My boss's boss wants me to make a proposal for the suggestion I made about using a third-party fax sender. You see, a lot of the time, our customers are requesting that faxes be sent to them. As a rule, we don't offer that service; we send it through email. Or rather, the client doesn't. But to make our customer's happy, we do it. Unfortunately, we're wasting a lot of paper, ink and time. Not to mention that our fax is litterally being held together by scotch tape and thread.

I spent the day looking for something good to buy. I hated the fact that there was no "Lord of the Rings Trilogy" Extended Version Set here. Nowhere was there a video shop selling it. Most of their inventory was crap.

I did find something I had been looking for in a long time: Transformers the Movie. Hehehe! I've been looking for this film for a long time. I got a copy for P100. Though the image wasn't too detailed, it blew me away again. I felt like a kid, smiling a geeky smile as I watched the Autobots fight the Decepticons.

The Battle for Middle Earth game this Friday got post-poned until next week. Gerbert and I had other business to attend to. Too bad, because my business (family dinner) didn't go through. So I'm at home doing nothing. Well, not necessarily nothing. I'm updating my blog, researching on my office project and figuring out my company's stock option plans.

The latter is giving me a headache!

Happy Birthday, Adrian!

2005-06-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

I'd like to say happy birthday to my brother, Adrian. Although we may not agree on a lot of things (as brothers are wont to be), we get along fine (most of the time). I'm glad he's my brother. I don't think I could as for a better one.

Gondor Knights Rule!

2005-06-04T02:38:00.001+08:00

I just came home from a game with my officemates. We played "Battle for Middle-Earth" a real-time strategy-based game based on J. R. R. Tolkien's book, The Lord of the Rings. In it, you can command the armies of Rohan, Gondor, Isengaard and Mordor. Each army has it's own strengths and weaknesses. We played 2 against 3, with myself in the larger group. I chose Gondor for all three rounds.

In the first round, we lost. Mainly because the side of good (Rohan and Gondor) was limited to 100 units per person while the side of evil (Isengaard and Mordor) were twice as many. And though there were 3 of us on one side, we were beat because Gerbert and Jeff were experienced players. Also, my computer wasn't working as fast as theirs.

In the second round, we were beaten yet again. Though we were gouped in a team, we weren't playing as a team. Each of us was too preoccupied with developing our citadels. And due to the superior numbers of our enemies, were were brought down one after the other.

But on the third and final round, we managed to bring the two other players to theri knees. We cooperated and worked as a team should. I realized then how important team work is to meeting your goals. Gerbert and Jeff were aghast at how my knights routed them at every turn.

So what did I learn from all this game play?

stay close to your allies
learn to work together, using each other's strengths and weaknesses
take your time, don't expand into areas your soldiers can't defend
though you may not be in the frontlines, there is a reason why you're back-up
harass your enemies, make them pay for every inch of ground they get

Hehehe! All that reading, especially Sun Tzu's Art of War finally paid off. I love this game.

Happy Birthday, Mils!

2005-06-03T18:33:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to my godson, Mils Avi Santos! I can't believe how much he's grown. But then, I haven't seen him in almost 2 years. That was mainly my fault, of course. But I'm glad to see he is doing well and is cute as ever. He looks so much like his dad Marco.

This cute little kid turned 2 today. As a treat, we invited his mom and his sister out to dinner at North Park to celebrate. Being with them was a new and welcome experience. Nels, their mother handled them pretty well. Seeing her in action, I just shook my head at the thought I would be able to take care of him by myself.

I've taken the idea of being a godparent very seriously. Before I said yes to Marco's request, I thought about it for week. I didn't want to be the same type of godparent most people turn out to be (i.e. just buying them gifts and presents when the time came). I recalled what the word meant in my Religion class back in highschool: someone to stand in place of his father in case anything happened to his real parents.

I took that idea very seriously. I was honored Marco thought of me as someone who he could trust to take care his son, especially now that he is away in another country. I said yes, albeit reluctantly. After all, what did I know about taking care of children?!

It saddens me that I was not there at Mil's baptismal. And I'm ashamed I wasn't there for the 2 years he was growing up. I try to console myself with the fact that he as a child, he won't rememeber or think about those times. What matters is now and the future.

To make up for it, I bought him a remote control car. It's funny because it's been a while since I've been in a toy store. I can remember going into one as a child and wishing I had the money to buy this and that. But now that I am an adult and have the money to spend...well, it seems kind of useless to spend it on such temporary things.

Anyway, I chose a blue car for Mils. Last Christmas, I bought him a red one that wasn't remote controlled. Nels tells me that he still played with it. So I knew this would definitely make him happy. I wasn't let down because when he openned it, he squealed in delight. Although I didn't get to capture the sight of him openning his present, I was able to capture him shouting "Ayy, kotse!" (Wow! A car!").

Aren't children precious?! It's funny how somethign so small can contain so much wonder and joy. As I kissed him goodbye, I promised myself that I would take care of him as if here my own and make sure to keep as much of that wonder and joy in him.

Burnt Out...?

2005-06-03T00:33:00.000+08:00

I am not at work.

While everyone else is at the office taking calls, answering questions, and freezing because of the air-conditioning, I am at home writing for my blog. I thought it would be a good way to start my leave. I can only afford to take one, mind you. I hoped to take about a week off but the year has yet to end.

Besides, I feel kind of guilty for leaving my agents at work while I'm at home resting. But I'm not doing them a shred of good if I'm irritable and unrested. I've been going to work earlier and staying longer just to be supportive. I'm losing sleep; I end up dozzing off on the way to work and missing my stop.

Today, is my third year working in the company. Three years. Wow! And to think, I said I'd stay only for one. I guess there really isn't anything out there worth getting out of this job. Sure, they're running us ragged now, asking sacrifices and cutting corners. Still, there is a sense of an accomplishment when you meet your goals and make your customers happy.

I feel weird talking as if I've been working for more than three years. This is my first job. I can't really imagine myself doing anything else. Except maybe writing but I am in such a dry spell right now, I couldn't write to save my life. I've tried but I just can't stick to it long enough for it to work. There's just no momentum.

You'll notice it from the articles I've been writing lately. Not exactly Nobel prize material, I know. But somehow, I always thought of my blog as a place to share my thoughts that have been written down into concise and interesting articles. Right now, it's just an update of what's going on in my life...which is, sad to say, boring as heck.

No, not exactly boring. My friends have made my life interesting. I'm just having a hard time transcribing it into words. It's hard to capture that feeling and be able to convey it to your readers. That's how you tell a writer from a successful writer.

Hmmm, this is post is becoming a realization. It's been a long time since I've felt writing something this long. True, it's basically jumping from one topic to another. But at least I've got my momentum going.

I've always preferred to write at night. Soemthign about the darkness and stillness makes it easier for me to hear my thoughts. I find it amazing that I am typing out just what I want to say. It's been a while since I've felt this way. Maybe I should start fixing up my other blog...

Update

2005-05-16T01:00:00.000+08:00

I finally managed to upload some new articles for my website. I should have done it a long time ago but work has been keeping me busy. Other than what I have put below, here are a few other things:

- I watched Amityville Horror last Saturday with the Tropa. It's been a while since I've been scared like that.

- Spent my day off (Friday and Saturday) playing Giovanni Chronicles with the Tropa coz Tobie will be vacationing for a month in the US for a month.

- Speaking of the Giovanni Chronicles, I'm working on a Blog to Chronicle what happens in the game. Hope you visit it here.

- Didn't go to work. This is my first absence. I had a stomach ache that had me...well, I'd rather not disgust you.

Okay, that's about it. Hope you stay tuned.

Ironic

2005-05-14T17:12:00.000+08:00

Define Irony:

A Straight Guy giving wardrobe advice to a Gay Friend.

Sam needed a change of clothes because the shirt he was wearing had absorbed his sweat and was making him stink. So we went to a clothing store to look around for something he could wear. As usual, he was looking for something black or dark blue to look slimmer.

I chose the shirt that he is wearing in the pic. Looks nice, eh? So, what do you think? Should I get a show of my own now?

Happy Birthday, Pau!

2005-05-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

I'd like to say Happy Birthday to Pauline Michelle Gaerlan who turned 26 today. Yes, folks, she is younger to me by only a few months. Hahaha!

I was almost robbed!

2005-05-12T07:10:00.000+08:00

Almost but not quite. Maybe it was luck or instinct. But the minute I realized what was happening I acted.

I was on my way home. The bus I was riding on had stopped and a man behind me suddenly got up and asked me to get up because I was stepping on something. He started fooling around with my shoe, trying to lift it off the floor.

Suddenly, I realized what was happening. I felt someone trying to grab my cellphone which was strapped to my belt in a case. I quickly backed up towards the man behind me and shoved my elbow into him.

I pretended it was an accident and said I was sorry. The guy who had been holding my shoe got up and showed me a piece of candy wrapper. He got off the bus along with 3 maybe 4 other guys. As the bus started moving, the people around me began to ask what happened. I nonchalantly told them they were trying to steal my phone.

Moral of the story? Be sure you have a big enough gut to make it hard for them to grab your phone. Hahaha!