Jumping the Gun
It's been a while since I last wrote here. I've been...busy. I guess there are just somethings I have difficulty talking to other people. It's not that I don't trust my friends or family. It's just that, well, when you're used to being the guy people call at 3am to pour their hearts out, you have to be strong for them. And being strong (at least to me) means not burdening them with my 3am calls.
Recently, I was supposed to meet someone for a date. It was our first time to see each other after having met on the Internet and talking on the phone. I went to our meeting place early (you know how I am about time and punctuality) because I didn't want her to wait long. I waited several hours but she didn't show up.
I was pissed, of course. She said she was going to be late and that I should wait for her because she was coming. A few hours after that, she didn't reply to my text messages and hung up on my calls. I didn't understand why but I assumed it was because she didn't "like" me.
It wouldn't be the first time. In fact, I'm surprised I haven't lost faith in people...no, that's not exactly true. I do have faith in people but up to a certain point - when they betray my trust. In which case I automaticlaly assume the worst and become cynical.
Anyway, I went home feeling like crap. I had sent her mean text messages that would have made the paint ont he wall peal. I was feeling self-destrcutive; I wanted to get drunk but I didn't like the taste of alcohol. Instead, I decided to call her up one last time. Her brother answered.
She was in a car accident.
She was staying at the hospital.
She asked if I could see her.
I felt like an idiot. I had assumed the worst when she was totally innocent of any crime. I stayed up all night, praying she would be ok and asking for forgiveness. I even had the crazy notion that it was all my fault. Maybe if I hadn't asked to see her that day or if hadn't told her to hurry, this wouldn't have happened.
Whatever the reason, it taught me a hard lesson. I just hope I learn it from now on.
Recently, I was supposed to meet someone for a date. It was our first time to see each other after having met on the Internet and talking on the phone. I went to our meeting place early (you know how I am about time and punctuality) because I didn't want her to wait long. I waited several hours but she didn't show up.
I was pissed, of course. She said she was going to be late and that I should wait for her because she was coming. A few hours after that, she didn't reply to my text messages and hung up on my calls. I didn't understand why but I assumed it was because she didn't "like" me.
It wouldn't be the first time. In fact, I'm surprised I haven't lost faith in people...no, that's not exactly true. I do have faith in people but up to a certain point - when they betray my trust. In which case I automaticlaly assume the worst and become cynical.
Anyway, I went home feeling like crap. I had sent her mean text messages that would have made the paint ont he wall peal. I was feeling self-destrcutive; I wanted to get drunk but I didn't like the taste of alcohol. Instead, I decided to call her up one last time. Her brother answered.
She was in a car accident.
She was staying at the hospital.
She asked if I could see her.
I felt like an idiot. I had assumed the worst when she was totally innocent of any crime. I stayed up all night, praying she would be ok and asking for forgiveness. I even had the crazy notion that it was all my fault. Maybe if I hadn't asked to see her that day or if hadn't told her to hurry, this wouldn't have happened.
Whatever the reason, it taught me a hard lesson. I just hope I learn it from now on.
posted by Aldwin Christopher at 6:03 PM
2 Comments:
1) You have every right to feel mad when you feel slighted.
2) You have every right to apologise for how you reacted.
3) You are in no way a lesser person for acting the way you did when she did not respond.
4) You have every right to still be careful. After all, there are many crazy freaks out there.
Thansk for the advice, Tobie. As for those crazy freaks out there, well, I should know. Being one myself as well as hanging out with you guys...:)
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