Dear Kuya Aldwin,

Today, I received some very strange questions from a friend. I answered them as honestly as I could and she seemed satisfied with my answers. Of course, they were more of a what-if-scenario. She wasn't really asking these questions of me but she wanted to know what I would say.

I've asked for her permission to put them here in my blog. Tell me what you think. I'd like to know what you would have answered as well as what you think of mine.

---

Q: What would you say if your girlfriend asked you to keep your relationship non-physical (i.e. nom-sexual)?
A: I would ask why and if her answer was valid, I would agree and do my best to keep my word. I don't think there is a reason for me to say no.

My friend was worried that her relationship with her boyfriend was more physical than non-physical. She wanted to have a meaningful relationship where it would be able to endure if they got separated. I suppose it's something a lot of couples are (should be) thinking about. "Are we here just because we have great sex?"

Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship. It is the epitome of expressing love in a physical level. But we all know that love isn't just physical. There's also an emotional connection, too. This is what poets and writers often describe in their works. Something intangible and yet so valuable. Without it, sex would be meaningless; a biological activity that you could do with anyone.

---

Q: Do you think he would freak out if I asked him that?
A: Knowing him, he might. But that's just natural for him to be worried. Wouldn't you be?

People - guys most especially - might overeact if their significant other asked them to limit their relationship to a non-sexual one. Especially if they enjoy. A lot of questions will be going though their minds such as: What? Why? Am I doing something wrong? Is she unsatisfied? Is she pregnant?

Just from that line of questioning, it seems that the partner is insecure. And this is the main reasonw hy they would freak out. My advice, if you're going to ask something out of the oridinary, don't wait for the other person to ask why. Say it - explain it - as soon as you ask.

---

Q: He asked me if I wanted to stay the night over. Do you think I should? I've never done it before and I'm worried.
A: Sweetie, it's not as if you won't be doing anything you haven't done before, you know. I think you're worried about what people might think if you do sleep over. I don't think you should but if you want to, why not? You're old enough to make your own decisions and be responsible for them. The reason I'm saying this is because I don't want to be judged by people but I want to be able to do what I want.

My friend is conservative, by nature. She comes from a conservative family. And if her family or her other friends knew that she would be spending the night with her boyfriend, their reactions will range from shocks to frowns.

It's kind of difficult to answer her question. Thinking from a different perspective other than being her friend and putting myself in other people's shoes - such as her brother or her father - I would suffer from my own prejudices. But since I am her friend, Iw ould tell her to do what makes her happy but she should be prepared for any consequences.

---

Q: But if I say yes, wouldn't it be hard not to...you know, do it? Especially if I want to develop our non-physical relationship.
A: Of course it would be! Unlike where you two meet up and spend a few hours together, sleeping over at his place will give you the time and opportunity to do what you want without feeling rushed. But this would be also a good opportunity for you to see if he will respect your wishes.

I'm not one to encourage testing your significant other's sincerity. It seems wrong to set up an elaborate scheme to see what they would do. Not only does it seem like you are treating them like a science experiment, it also means you don't trust them to make the right choice. But this would be a good opportunity for her to see if their relationship has something other than just the physical aspect.

To me, this particular test has a different kind of significance if I were in the guys shoes. Knowing how I am, if I can spend a night with a girl without trying to have sex with her and she was even willing, then it could only mean I love her because it is very seldom for a guy to be content in just holding someone and watching them sleep. To be able to do that tells something of how the guy feels for the girl.