Therapy Session

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. With his permission, I am sharing a transcirpt of that discussion in my blog. This has been edite though since I can't remember most of it, just the gist. As usual, he (or she) will remain anonymous, although our circle of friends would find out anyway.

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S: I haven't gone out on a date in a long time. Maybe I should lose weight. What do you think?

A: I think you're trying to attract superficial people. So, I think that would be a big mistake.

S: How is that a mistake? There are a lot of good looking people having fun with other good looking people. I want to have some of that.

A: What you want is to get laid.

S: There's nothing wrong with that.

A: I didn't say there was anything wrong with it. I just said you want to get laid. I am merely voicing out what you mean.

S: I just think I would stand a better chance of going out with people if I lost weight.

A: True. But I wouldn't go out with you. Neither would the other guys we know.

S: I know that but still...

A: Listen, do you want to know the reason you don't go out often? It's because you only have 3 sources of exposure. Your work, your home and the mall. Now, pool all the people you know and tell me: how many of them are worth dating?

S: Not a lot. Okay, less than the fingers in my hand.

A: So it really isn't your looks that's the problem. It's the number of people you know.

S: So you're saying I should expose myself more? I did that a lot and I ended up being rejected just as much.

A: Tell me how you were "exposing" yourself to these people?

S: Well, I used to go on the Internet and into chat rooms...

A: The Internet?! Are you nuts? Do you know how many weirdos are out there?

S: Uh-huh.

A: I'm kidding. So, where do you usually meet these people?

S: In a chat room. I say hi and see who responds or I pick people from the list who look interesting then say hello.

A: And then?

S: We tell each other what we look like and then they stop talking to me. As soon as I tell them my weight, they ignore me.

A: Ok. So what's the problem? The way I see it, you just saved yourself from getting serious with someone who is superficial and probably a jerk.

S: Yeah, I know but still...

A: I think you have to widen your scope. What chat room do you usually go to anyway?

S: One night stands.

A: Oh, for the love of...

S: I don't go there now, ok? This was before.

A: I know but don't you see? That's why things are fucked up for you right now.

S: Hay, naku! You don't understand cause you're not gay.

A: Okay, then enlighten me.

S: It's just that it's so disappointing because...well, this is what I have to look forward to? Are all gay men like that? Most of the people I met were superficial, not to mention philandering. I mean, as soon as they get off, they tell me they have a boyfriend.

A: I don't have to be gay to know what the problem is and it's not because of your orientation.

S: Okay, then enlighten me.

A: Your problem is where you're looking. I mean, One Night Stand? Are you sure that's where you want to get your "role model"? Do you really think everyone there is a single gay man? The entire reason they are there is because they want to get off without any commitments. They're not looking to have a meaningful relationship. Why, you might ask? I don't know. Maybe because they already "have" one.

S: You have a point.

A: So if you do want to find someone special, look for them where you know you can find them.

S: I will. Thanks.

A: Ok, that'll be P200, please. I only take cash.