Annoyed, Not Afraid
Recently, I've been feeling a bit under the weather. For two days I was feeling feverish. I decided to stay at home rather than force myself to go to work as I was wont to do.
After that, when I thought everything was ok I had a severe headache as soon as I walked through the office door. That turned out to be a symptom of high blood pressure. So after a few hours at work, I went home and was absent for another day.
This is the longest I have been absent from work. Normally, it's just one day. Sometimes, I don't even mind the pain. I just blaze through it until the weekend where I can rest. People have been concerned and I thank them for it. But me, I'm more annoyed.
Okay, some people might be afraid. After all, high blood pressure is a sign of an impending heart attack. I had some of the symptoms too: nausea, pain in my left arm, migraine. But for me, all I could think of is, "Damn, I've been sick for 2 days already. Am I gonna be sick again?"
So I went to see a doctor who said it was too early to tell. And she didn't want to start me on medicines yet. So, she said to rest for a while. Which I have by staying at home and doing absolutely nothing. I hate to admit it but I was bored as hell.
What's worse, now that I'm feeling "better" every time I feel one of the symptoms of high blood pressure, I begin to be annoyed because I can't do what I want to do. Not afraid, mind you. Annoyed. As in I look at it as an incovenience more than anything else.
I've never been afraid of dying. Suffering before I die, yes. But not dying itself. Sometimes, when I feel unwell and I wonder if this is "it", I just mutter "Why don't You just get on with it and kill me?" As if my death would mean something to someone out there. As if my life actually has "meaning" and the world would be a darker place if I suddenly croaked.
But I don't; I'm forced to trudge along until I get better. And right when I try to be just a bit more healthy with my food choices.
You know, this world really is screwed up. It's a wonder we haven't gone insane and blown it to kingdom come.
After that, when I thought everything was ok I had a severe headache as soon as I walked through the office door. That turned out to be a symptom of high blood pressure. So after a few hours at work, I went home and was absent for another day.
This is the longest I have been absent from work. Normally, it's just one day. Sometimes, I don't even mind the pain. I just blaze through it until the weekend where I can rest. People have been concerned and I thank them for it. But me, I'm more annoyed.
Okay, some people might be afraid. After all, high blood pressure is a sign of an impending heart attack. I had some of the symptoms too: nausea, pain in my left arm, migraine. But for me, all I could think of is, "Damn, I've been sick for 2 days already. Am I gonna be sick again?"
So I went to see a doctor who said it was too early to tell. And she didn't want to start me on medicines yet. So, she said to rest for a while. Which I have by staying at home and doing absolutely nothing. I hate to admit it but I was bored as hell.
What's worse, now that I'm feeling "better" every time I feel one of the symptoms of high blood pressure, I begin to be annoyed because I can't do what I want to do. Not afraid, mind you. Annoyed. As in I look at it as an incovenience more than anything else.
I've never been afraid of dying. Suffering before I die, yes. But not dying itself. Sometimes, when I feel unwell and I wonder if this is "it", I just mutter "Why don't You just get on with it and kill me?" As if my death would mean something to someone out there. As if my life actually has "meaning" and the world would be a darker place if I suddenly croaked.
But I don't; I'm forced to trudge along until I get better. And right when I try to be just a bit more healthy with my food choices.
You know, this world really is screwed up. It's a wonder we haven't gone insane and blown it to kingdom come.
posted by Aldwin Christopher at 11:53 PM
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