Monday, December 31, 2007

Holiday Ramblings

The Holidays always leave me with mixed feelings. At one end, I feel generous enough to spend my money for my friends and family but not for those who beg out in the streets because they don't have anything to eat. I feel so hopeful for the world that it will become a better place and yet feel so depressed for myself because love has eluded me once again.



During this time of the year, it always seems as if all emotions are heightened, good and bad. Although we can feel quite loving at one point, we can also feel quite angry at our friends and family.

I had an argument with my mom that almost made me leave her, the car and the groceries in the middle of traffic. I was disappointed at a friend who cancelled at the last minute, especially since he said we should assume he is coming unless he tells us before hand. My agents have been whinning that they aren't getting enough time on meeting mode like the other agents from different teams.

Somebody shoot me.



The priest gave a homily asking why Jesus was born in manger and not some place like Asian Hospital. He said it was a show of humility. Right. If you were Herod and you knew that the King of the Jews was being born, wouldn't the first place you would look is a hospital or somewhere opulent? Not to disparage the priest but Jesus wasn't just being humble, God was being practical. Having His Son born somewhere obvious was like putting a bull's eye on his forehead.



Do me a favor. Look at a wall-mounted fan. Look at the draw string, look at the knob indicating the speed, watch it swing left to right repeatedly. Now, make it point in one direction.

If you'll notice, the device that makes it stop and point in one direction is at the back of the fan. Out of reach. Why is that? Because the makers used the same body for a desktop fan. You'd think that they would have made it more convenient by putting some sort of switch within reach. But it just goes to show how stupid or indifferent people can be.



I bought the OST for Music and Lyrics which turned out to be a bad idea. Especially after breaking up since the music is hopeful. Damn it! Still the music is great. I just have to find away of relating it to other things.


Sunday, December 09, 2007

Resigned

I submitted my resignation letter just last week, effective January 6. I'm not really worried about not getting a job. There's always a position out there needing to be filled. I'm just sad that it came to this.

This was my first job. Like all firsts, it's hard to let go even when it's time to move on. There wasn't just one reason or one incident that led me to make this decision: boredome, dissatisfaction, heart-ache. When I looked at my future for another 5 years, I saw...nothing.

I didnt want to be stuck at something I felt was slowly draining the life out of me. I didn't want to end up being a miserable old coot who didn't give a damn about the other people I worked with. I didn't want to constantly fight those who I called my boss. I didn't want to be saddled with a cold emptiness everytime I saw her happy.

So I'm leaving. To find a better place. To see what I could become. To know if I was more than just what people thought I was. It'll be hard, it'll be painful and it may kill me. But no one ever gained much without risking much either.