Diary
I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me
The words she's written took me by surpise
you'd never read them in her eyes.
They said that she had found the love she waited for.
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
When she confronted with the writing there,
simply pretended not to care.
I passed it off as just in keeping with
her total disconcerting air
and though she tried to hide
the love that she denied,
wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
And as I go through my life, I will give to her my wife
all the sweet things that I can find.
I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me.
The words began stick and tears to flow.
Her meaning now was clear to see.
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
and as I go through my life, I will wish for her his wife
all the sweet things that she can find
all the sweet things they can find
I wonder if they knew just how this song would stand the test of time. That if you replaced one word, it could still ring true in this technologically-advanced world of ours.
Of course, finding a blog underneath a tree would just be...weird.
Ambiguity
Blogs have given us a freedom to say what we want with ambiguity. Either hiding our identity or that of the person we wish to talk to. In many ways, we hope the mystery will shield us from the reprecussions we hope to avoid and yet foster an ephiphany to the one person we hope to reach out to.
I am not safe from this desire.
To the person who was once my Marshmallow, I find it hard to let go of you. But let go I must, just like you seem to have done. Though we have known and shared each other's life for the past 9 years, I feel that I still don't know you. Maybe because I wanted you for myself and did not entertain the fact that you had a life other than the one you shared with me.
I see you happy, without me. That's really the only thing I ever wanted for you. But I thought it impossible without me holding your hand.
To my friend across the miles, I hope you decide what you want us to become. I see that you are confused. Maybe because you don't know what to make of us. The absence of communication should not be the end of a friendship.
To my misunderstood paradox, you were a surprise I had hoped to discover sooner. But I think that our mutual interest may have simply made things awkward between us. Of course, the chance to touch a part of you I never knew existed, was exquisite, to say the least. I do hope we'll have more opportunities to get to know each other more.
To my moon child, I wonder what will become of us. Though I see a glint of interest in your eyes, I cannot assume it has a deeper meaning. But I fully intend to discover and enjoy our time together, limited though it may be. But with the shift of orbits, I wonder if we will have any congruence.
To my bookworm, I find myself renewing certain beliefs about love through your eyes. Our mutual passion for the written word has often made me smile. I want to show you love and yet, I feel it fails in comparison to the one you have shown another. How can I compete with that? The answer is simple: I cannot.
To those who were hoping I would say what needed to be said but failed to find themselves among the number above, maybe next time.
Renewed and Resolved
I began the weekend feeling like crap. There came several instances for me to step up and strut my stuff...but I either backed out or became indifferent. Worse, I felt I disappointed people who looked to me as a role model. I felt like I didn't desrve my position, that someone could do a better job than I.
But then my agents and I went to IO as our last hurrah before we all separated with the new schedule. And I marvelled how well I had brought them together. If grades were the only way to judge success, then I would have to agree with the premise that I am a mediocre supervisor. But I am thankful that it is not.
Yes, I've made mistakes. Our instinctual reaction is to quit, leave before we do anything worse. I even drafted a resignation letter just out of impulse. But as I wrote it, I realized that I would be setting a bad precedent. If I was going to quit, I wasn't going to do so on a low note. I was going to leave knowing that people would remember me not for my failures but for my successes. I wanted them to think of me fondly.
Now I feel renewed. Like anyone who has ever been sick of failure, I resolved to change not how I am work but how I am in life.
I've realized that I've always had opportunties to change and do better for myself.
I've realized that there are people who like me and love me.
I've realized that I don't deserve to be second best unless I settle for it.
Team Building
Last Wednesday, my boss Mike Montero treated us out to Dad's to celebrate our being the highest ranking shift in PS Manila. I had the dubious honor of arranging for it. We should have done it earlier except we wanted to make sure we had the most number of supervisors in the said event.
It felt weird having to tell them what to do (setting up the reservation, verifying how we would pay, telling them which colored plates to take, what food they could choose from...). I've always seen myself to be the most disorganized of the lot, doing things on the fly and not following my schedule.
We had a good time and a lot of good laughs. Mostly at my expense since I ate more than all of them. LOL It was good to get out of the office. I hope we can do it again soon.
Note: see the pics at the end of this blog too.
And, last Friday, I went out with my agents for a team building of our own. We ate, drank, talked, drank, laughed and drank some more. This had to be the most amount of alcohol I've consumed in one sitting in the last 5 years. We had tequila and vodka, mixed as margaritas and coffee and chocolate flavored mudslides. I didn't partake of the beer though.
I still don't like the taste of alcohol. Still, it was masked pretty well by the fact it was mixed with ice and condensed milk. The food, though simple, tasted great. It was fun to see my agents having fun. We don't get to do it too often at work.
Maybe we should do this more often.
Superman Returns
I just came home after watching Superman Returns. I still can't get the theme song out of my head. John Williams sure made it easy to remember. But then, he's also the guy in charge of Star Wars soundtrack so it isn't really much of a surprise. The movie didn't make it hard for you to forget either. They played it everytime Superman did something heroic.
I feel like a kid again. Watching the movie, listening to the soundtrack...there's just something about the Man of Steel coming to your rescue that makes you think everything is going to all right.
Sure, he's not real. But it only makes you want him and what he stands for to be real. So much so that every little thing that we do out of simple kindness becomes...super.
"They can be a great people; they wish to be. They only lack the light to show them the way."
Mental note: There are scenes that were dragging. And it was highlighted by my need to pee after gulping a large amount of iced tea. Don't let it happen to you! LOL
